9.30.2012

Rockin' The Stache



For the first three weeks of his life, Nolan always got this mark over his lips from nursing. Do you think he could pull off a pencil mustache one day?

9.25.2012

Getting Through

Well we now have a six week old and an eighteen month old on our hands. We are slowly getting into a groove, getting past the crazy, and entering what I call a "normal hectic".  Still overwhelming at times, but a new phase nonetheless. I have two of the cutest kids on this earth and we wouldn't have gotten to this point without the awesome support of our family and friends. It's the big things and the little things that make all the difference.



It's my mother who stayed for five nights taking care of me and my family, providing company, food, and reassurance in the hours of uncertainty before my labour.  She constantly told me to sit down and rest while she took care of things. She watched over my precious little girl when Chris and I had to be away from her overnight for the very first time so that I didn't have to worry about her. When we came home from the hospital already sleep deprived, she was there, making things easier as we figured out how to juggle two kids. Our freezer was stocked with meals, our laundry was folded, and we had home made baby wipes made for us before she departed. Several follow up phone calls were made in the weeks to come, just checking in to see how we were doing. There are times as an adult when you still need your Mom and mine was there for me and I will always remember that.



It's my mother-in-law who stayed over and bought food for us and took care of all the cooking and got up at 4am to rock the baby when we were exhausted.  She was that extra pair of hands that were needed to juggle both kids at meal times and bath times, preventing meltdowns that would have ensued if I were on my own. She never hesitated to get down on the floor to play with Maya, knowing that she needed extra attention with all the changes happening.  She insisted that Chris and I get out of the house for a few hours for dinner on our own, helping us to relax and reconnect. She spent every moment during her visit soaking up the joys of being a grandmother.  She even stayed in her PJ's until dinner time one day because she was too busy taking care of Maya so that I could run some errands.


It's my best friend who met me at the park one day just so that I could get out of the house and have some adult conversation, and so that Maya could actually go on the swings and the slide (things that I wouldn't have been able to make happen by myself with a three week old baby who constantly wanted to be held).  Even though she was uncomfortably eight months pregnant, and just getting off best rest, she insisted on coming to visit when Chris was working afternoons. She let me take a shower and helped with dinner and bath time. She spent some quality time with Maya, french braiding her hair, and held Nolan to give me a break. She even stayed for girl talk and chai tea when the kids were sleeping. She was there during a time when I just needed the company of my best friend.


It's my other best friend who provided text messages of encouragement when I was feeling overwhelmed. She took the lead on pulling things together when we hosted a baby shower only five weeks after Nolan was born and she didn't make me feel guilty when I couldn't do more to help. She was there insisting that I sit down and eat when Chris and I were trying to juggle two cranky kids at my brother's wedding reception. She entertained Maya while her sister (who happens to be my sister's best friend) took Nolan off of our hands, all the while they hadn't even had their dinner yet. Their kind and selfless act warmed my heart and will always be a touching memory of my brother's wedding. I was even kept company when I had to leave the party to nurse Nolan in the other room (since he is such a distracted eater).  In the quiet of the room we had our usual girl talk.


It's my sister who always feels like she is not doing enough for me, because she lives so far away, but who always calls to see how I am doing even when I can't answer the phone or call her back right away. She always sends gifts in the mail, and always makes time to skype with the kids so that they can remember her face and hear her voice. She even paid for me to get my makeup done for my brother's wedding because she thought I deserved fifteen minutes of "me" time.

It's all the other people who visited, called, sent baby stuff, brought food, and mailed cards.

It's all of these things and more that have gotten us through. It's all of these things that have reminded us that we are loved and that we are not alone.

Only having two kids and feeling so overwhelmed at times, I don't know how my grandmother raised twelve and lived to tell about it.


I have a feeling maybe it was the big and little things that people did for her, just like they did for me, and just like I will do for others.


We may not have everything under control all the time, but I think we're doing a pretty good job so far thanks to all the help!



9.06.2012

This Too Shall Pass

In the midst of the night things are jumbled, hectic, urgent. I think if I do not get to finally sleep in my own bed without a screaming newborn attached to me THIS MINUTE, I am seriously going to have a meltdown and may end up in crazyland permanently.  I ask for help, and he pulls through for me, taking the baby from my arms.  I collapse into myself sobbing until it's all out of me, feeling like such a failure, until I give in to sleep. A few hours later in the morning light I wake up and realize what a crazy pants I must have been. Things always seem clearer in the morning.

The day goes on and I try my best to go through the motions without getting stressed, without screwing up, but the whole time I can't shake that feeling - the feeling you get when you realize that you are not being the Mom that you always hoped to be. The one who can feed her baby with ease and without complication. The one who can settle her child to sleep with a simple lulabye. Why won't he just eat? Why won't he just sleep? Why is it that the second time around I am none the wiser to what a crying baby is asking for? And so I continue to struggle throughout the day with the simplest of tasks. I can't seem to get the baby sling tight enough. I dropped another glass on the floor. I hit every red light on the way to the grocery store, causing the baby to start screaming all over again. I forgot for the tenth time to feed the damn dog.

I keep telling myself to just take deep breaths and remember that this too shall pass. Besides, I know the kids will sense my mood and so I need to keep it together. By eight o'clock both are bathed and sleeping peacefully for the time being. It's finally quiet. I pick up and make the house look decent again. I go on the computer and look up info on over abundant milk supply and how to make your own baby wipe solution. I connect with friends via text message to let them know how I am doing. I write this post.

Things now seem less dire, less extreme. I'm more grounded.  I reflect on things and remind myself of what I said before - this too shall pass. One day my babes will be all grown and this will be a distant memory. I'm not the only one who has, or ever will, go through this season of life. The confidence will come back. The joy will return. All of the second guessing and being hard on myself will end soon enough. I know I'm a good Mom, this is just something that many of us go through, even the second time around. And the two most important reasons why it is all worth it are in their beds right now, safe and sound.  Yes, this too shall pass.




I hope there are people out there reading this, taking comfort in the fact that they are not the only ones who have moments of discouragement in this thing we call motherhood. My hope is that we can still embrace each other for all that we are and all that we give our children - crazy momma behaviour and all.

9.04.2012

Some Motherly Reflections

"Becoming a mother is to decide forever to have your heart walk around outside of your body"

-Elizabeth Stone-












  • This list is definately relatable to new Moms. I wish I had read this before my friends started having kids. 
  • I can relate to this video, even the second time around as I stay up in the middle of the night trying everything I can think of to get Nolan to stop crying and go to sleep!  As I watch it I am nodding my head, saying, "That's so true!"




We are just going day by day right now. Not much time to sit and write down what I am experiencing, but some of the above gives a glimpse of this amazing roller coaster I call motherhood.



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