Stay Tuned...

I'm slowly working on revamping things and want to get back into blogging more frequently now that my babe has a bit of a routine.  I will be launching a new and improved blog space in the new year so stay tuned! In the mean time feel free to reminisce on some of my older posts by browsing the "popular posts" section. It may bring you to random links of other posts that haven't been read in a while. And feel free to chuckle at just how hilarious my little girl looked when she was a baby, with the constant deer-in-headlights look she had going on (until she thankfully grew into those beautiful eyes of hers). Happy Holidays!

Scary Things

This person's story has literally given me nightmares about all the things that could happen to my babies. The stories that people shared in the comments section made me almost hyper-ventaliate.

I'm Not A Newbie Anymore

So my friend finally had her baby at 40 weeks after being told by her doctor since June that she was going to go early. It's a boy! Now Nolan has a best buddy for life!

The above pictures were taken only a week before her little one arrived. Nolan was sitting on top of her belly being kicked by his future playmate. Little did my friend know just how much her life was going to change as she babbled with my son and imagined what her own little bundle would look like.

When I heard the news of her son's birth, I was over the moon with joy for her and it brought back so many memories and emotions from when my precious babies were born. I think that happens with all moms when they hear news of a new baby's arrival. We can't help but re-live some of it vicariously through new moms. So she is now officially part of the club, and only a mom really knows what I'm talking about when I say that.

I was so excited to see her little one. I wanted so badly to go to the hospital and spend time with her so I could soak up the wonderful "new mommy" honeymoon vibes that she would be emitting outward to all those who came to visit.  When I entered the hospital room it seemed like it was just me in there not that long ago, sighing in contentment at the miracle that I had grown inside of me.  Really it has only been a short two months ago and yet I can't even remember what my life was like without Nolan as a part of our family. Funny how that happens.

But as I had conversations with my friend in the days to follow, and listened to her talk all about how she was doing with feeding and sleeping and all the other things that us moms adjust to in the first few weeks, I realized just how far I have come in the past year and a half.  When I was a first time Mom I constantly sought advice and help from other mothers because there were times when I just didn't know what the hell I was doing and needed moral support. And now it is me telling my friend that yes, it is normal to worry that you might be starving your child because he won't latch on.  It is now me promising her that breast feeding WILL get easier. It is now me nodding my head in a  "yep..... been there done that" kind of way as she tells me all about the worries, challenges, and joys of getting to know her baby.  Having these conversations with her makes me want to run over to her house and give her a big hug and say, you are doing a great job, you are not alone, we've all been there, I'm so happy that you now know the joy of being a mother.  And it makes me happy to see just how far I have come from that person who worried about things like whether my baby was sneezing too much or whether the colour of her poop was normal.  And now I can relax a little because although I don't have all the answers I know that I have definitely grown since the birth of my first child and am proud at the mother I have become so far. I'm not a newbie anymore. I am a mother twice over now and I actually know a thing or two about raising babies. Now if I can just figure out the toddler years....

Some Days

Why did I think that I would actually be able to take a shower before I brought Maya to daycare and blow dry my hair and put on make up without being screamed at by both kids? Silly me. I will spare you the details of the gong show that ensued this morning before 8am while attempting to do it.  And by the way, the attempt was a big FAIL.  Looks like I will be rockin' this hair-do for a while. You know, the hair style that says, "I'm a mother of two small children and all attempts to have pretty hair will be squashed and I will have to forever look like a librarian". And all you momma's who post "every day" type pictures of you all gussied up and pretty with your four kids playing peacefully beside you on facebook....damn you! Some days I tell ya. Some days.....

On Being A Mother And Other Things

I came across this quote and oh my goodness it really hit home because I find myself picking apart my body all the time. Even though I say I want to model self esteem for my daughter I am not following it because it has become such an ingrained habit to diss my looks. Seriously every single gathering of women I have ever been a part of, whether it be girls night with my besties or just a team meeting at work, there are always comments back and forth from someone about how they hate their body and how they need to improve this and that. It totally makes sense that Maya is going to grow up with the exact same habit if I don't watch it. This quote has reminded me to be mindful of what comes out of my mouth AT ALL TIMES.

When I saw this quote I simultaneously came across this article and wow it also spoke to me. It's so true! Read it. 

Hey guess what? I got back to cardio kickboxing classes today!  For reals it was so great to be back. The workout kicked my arse, it did.  But I didn't care because it was the same when I went back from my pregnancy with Maya - I was weak for a bit but got stronger and faster. I know this time I will be kicking butt again in no time. The best part was being able to do actual jumping jacks and I even managed a few "burpees" (although sad looking ones, but I did it).  When I was pregnant with Nolan I could not do either of these things without modifying them immensely due to my baby belly. And laying on my back, I missed being able to lay on my back. And touching my toes. It's crazy the things you take for granted before you get pregnant and all of a sudden you are unable to do such simple things. So happy to have my body back - lumpy and mushy it is, but not for long people!

Speaking of my body I also went to the mall today and bought the dreaded in-between-clothes - you know the ones that you have to buy because you don't quite fit into your pre-pregnancy clothes yet and your maternity clothes are too big (or just no longer cute without the baby bump).  Last time after having Maya this is something that made me very sad and stressed but this time around I'm like "meh, whatever, I won't be wearing these for long!". And so I only bought one pair of jeans and one shirt and sweater because I am that confident that I won't need to wear them longer than a month. In the meantime I've got lots of hoodies and yoga pants to tie me over when I'm hanging around the house. 

Which brings me to my last note. Yesterday I started a structured meal plan again, a diet if you will, but a laid back one where I don't have to write anything down and just have to stick to certain kinds of foods (mainly whole foods) and avoid large quantities of other foods (junk food, processed stuff and the like). It's pretty much Weight Watchers Core plan from back in the day and it has worked well for me before (when I lost 35 lbs pre-Nolan).  So goodbye chocolate milk and raspberry yogurt muffin from the work cafeteria. I no longer need you as a second breakfast. Goodbye iced cappuccino, your caffeine and sugar will no longer be required to stay awake during the day. Goodbye Ben and Jerry's ice cream. You have brought me lots of pleasure but there's just no room for you in my pre-pregnancy jeans. Goodbye using my pregnancy as an excuse to indulge in such things on a regular basis.  It really was fun while it lasted but I knew the day would come - the date I set in my mind the whole nine months that Nolan was growing inside of me..... the day of my six week post-partem check up with the doc. I knew once that was done and over with it was back to the nitty gritty. That was the date I had decided that I would get back to my weight loss goals.  I'm all healed, breastfeeding has been firmly established, and our family is getting back into a new grove. It's go time. 

Back In Action

Not gonna lie, we've been in a bit of a rut lately. First it was getting used to having a newborn in the house again and meeting the needs of both our kids, then it was a nasty chest cold that has seriously put us out of commission this past week and a half.  To add further stress, Nolan decided that he HATES being strapped in his car seat and so any attempts to get out of the house or go for walks with the stroller were torture and mostly avoided.  To help us get through some of the chaos we started putting Maya in front of the TV a little more than usual. With netflix at our side we had a gazillion kids shows right at our finger tips. It was just so easy. It kept her quiet and in one spot long enough for us to get something done, or just to get some silence after her constantly calling my name and pulling at my leg all day.

The thing is though, we kinda created a monster. You see, Maya started to get addicted to TV. Like bonafide addicted. Her drugs of choice were "In the night garden", "Sesame Street", and  "Barney". It got to the point where she started to refuse dinner because she was too busy asking for "Iggle Piggle" and the "Pinky Ponk" over and over and over again. When we decided to cut her off cold turkey she was crazed to the point where we had to hide any reminders of her favourite shows (like the remote control and DVD cases) and were careful not to say certain words that would trigger a huge fit to watch it.  Seriously, it's kind of funny, but not really. Who would have ever thought an 18 month old could become so preoccupied with such a thing? At first we thought we were just using the TV as a tool to get us through this crazy patch and reassured ourselves that "it's not always going to be like this". In the end we started a really bad pattern over only a few weeks that I am sure could last a lifetime if we didn't recognize it and change it. One day I looked over at her sitting in front of the tube like a zombie and thinking "wow she is literally sitting on her ass doing nothing, not even moving or blinking".  What a way to start such a sedentary lifestyle for our little girl.  And so tonight after dinner we cleaned up the trail of snotty kleenex, made ourselves look half presentable, and put our shoes and sweaters on. We headed out into the back yard and had a full hour of fun, just running around and getting fresh air. 

It was great to get out and have a life again, to spend some time together as a family, not worrying about getting a kid fed or picking up toys. Even Gunther was pleased as he has seriously entered into a depression after Nolan's birth from all the neglect he's been experiencing.  I think we are slowly getting back into our groove and out of survival mode. It's about time 'cause these past seven weeks have been kind of a blur. I'm glad we are back to creating memories again. 

And for Maya, we are now implementing a time limit on her TV watching and scheduling physical activity as a family every day. Sure, she goes to swimming lessons and we have her in day care twice a week, but that isn't going to be enough. I never thought I would have to worry about these things at such an early age but here we are.  Anyone know of any great toddler activities we could try at home?

Rockin' The Stache

For the first three weeks of his life, Nolan always got this mark over his lips from nursing. Do you think he could pull off a pencil mustache one day?

Getting Through

Well we now have a six week old and an eighteen month old on our hands. We are slowly getting into a groove, getting past the crazy, and entering what I call a "normal hectic".  Still overwhelming at times, but a new phase nonetheless. I have two of the cutest kids on this earth and we wouldn't have gotten to this point without the awesome support of our family and friends. It's the big things and the little things that make all the difference.

It's my mother who stayed for five nights taking care of me and my family, providing company, food, and reassurance in the hours of uncertainty before my labour.  She constantly told me to sit down and rest while she took care of things. She watched over my precious little girl when Chris and I had to be away from her overnight for the very first time so that I didn't have to worry about her. When we came home from the hospital already sleep deprived, she was there, making things easier as we figured out how to juggle two kids. Our freezer was stocked with meals, our laundry was folded, and we had home made baby wipes made for us before she departed. Several follow up phone calls were made in the weeks to come, just checking in to see how we were doing. There are times as an adult when you still need your Mom and mine was there for me and I will always remember that.

It's my mother-in-law who stayed over and bought food for us and took care of all the cooking and got up at 4am to rock the baby when we were exhausted.  She was that extra pair of hands that were needed to juggle both kids at meal times and bath times, preventing meltdowns that would have ensued if I were on my own. She never hesitated to get down on the floor to play with Maya, knowing that she needed extra attention with all the changes happening.  She insisted that Chris and I get out of the house for a few hours for dinner on our own, helping us to relax and reconnect. She spent every moment during her visit soaking up the joys of being a grandmother.  She even stayed in her PJ's until dinner time one day because she was too busy taking care of Maya so that I could run some errands.

It's my best friend who met me at the park one day just so that I could get out of the house and have some adult conversation, and so that Maya could actually go on the swings and the slide (things that I wouldn't have been able to make happen by myself with a three week old baby who constantly wanted to be held).  Even though she was uncomfortably eight months pregnant, and just getting off best rest, she insisted on coming to visit when Chris was working afternoons. She let me take a shower and helped with dinner and bath time. She spent some quality time with Maya, french braiding her hair, and held Nolan to give me a break. She even stayed for girl talk and chai tea when the kids were sleeping. She was there during a time when I just needed the company of my best friend.

It's my other best friend who provided text messages of encouragement when I was feeling overwhelmed. She took the lead on pulling things together when we hosted a baby shower only five weeks after Nolan was born and she didn't make me feel guilty when I couldn't do more to help. She was there insisting that I sit down and eat when Chris and I were trying to juggle two cranky kids at my brother's wedding reception. She entertained Maya while her sister (who happens to be my sister's best friend) took Nolan off of our hands, all the while they hadn't even had their dinner yet. Their kind and selfless act warmed my heart and will always be a touching memory of my brother's wedding. I was even kept company when I had to leave the party to nurse Nolan in the other room (since he is such a distracted eater).  In the quiet of the room we had our usual girl talk.

It's my sister who always feels like she is not doing enough for me, because she lives so far away, but who always calls to see how I am doing even when I can't answer the phone or call her back right away. She always sends gifts in the mail, and always makes time to skype with the kids so that they can remember her face and hear her voice. She even paid for me to get my makeup done for my brother's wedding because she thought I deserved fifteen minutes of "me" time.

It's all the other people who visited, called, sent baby stuff, brought food, and mailed cards.

It's all of these things and more that have gotten us through. It's all of these things that have reminded us that we are loved and that we are not alone.

Only having two kids and feeling so overwhelmed at times, I don't know how my grandmother raised twelve and lived to tell about it.

I have a feeling maybe it was the big and little things that people did for her, just like they did for me, and just like I will do for others.

We may not have everything under control all the time, but I think we're doing a pretty good job so far thanks to all the help!

This Too Shall Pass

In the midst of the night things are jumbled, hectic, urgent. I think if I do not get to finally sleep in my own bed without a screaming newborn attached to me THIS MINUTE, I am seriously going to have a meltdown and may end up in crazyland permanently.  I ask for help, and he pulls through for me, taking the baby from my arms.  I collapse into myself sobbing until it's all out of me, feeling like such a failure, until I give in to sleep. A few hours later in the morning light I wake up and realize what a crazy pants I must have been. Things always seem clearer in the morning.

The day goes on and I try my best to go through the motions without getting stressed, without screwing up, but the whole time I can't shake that feeling - the feeling you get when you realize that you are not being the Mom that you always hoped to be. The one who can feed her baby with ease and without complication. The one who can settle her child to sleep with a simple lulabye. Why won't he just eat? Why won't he just sleep? Why is it that the second time around I am none the wiser to what a crying baby is asking for? And so I continue to struggle throughout the day with the simplest of tasks. I can't seem to get the baby sling tight enough. I dropped another glass on the floor. I hit every red light on the way to the grocery store, causing the baby to start screaming all over again. I forgot for the tenth time to feed the damn dog.

I keep telling myself to just take deep breaths and remember that this too shall pass. Besides, I know the kids will sense my mood and so I need to keep it together. By eight o'clock both are bathed and sleeping peacefully for the time being. It's finally quiet. I pick up and make the house look decent again. I go on the computer and look up info on over abundant milk supply and how to make your own baby wipe solution. I connect with friends via text message to let them know how I am doing. I write this post.

Things now seem less dire, less extreme. I'm more grounded.  I reflect on things and remind myself of what I said before - this too shall pass. One day my babes will be all grown and this will be a distant memory. I'm not the only one who has, or ever will, go through this season of life. The confidence will come back. The joy will return. All of the second guessing and being hard on myself will end soon enough. I know I'm a good Mom, this is just something that many of us go through, even the second time around. And the two most important reasons why it is all worth it are in their beds right now, safe and sound.  Yes, this too shall pass.

I hope there are people out there reading this, taking comfort in the fact that they are not the only ones who have moments of discouragement in this thing we call motherhood. My hope is that we can still embrace each other for all that we are and all that we give our children - crazy momma behaviour and all.

    

Some Motherly Reflections

"Becoming a mother is to decide forever to have your heart walk around outside of your body"

-Elizabeth Stone-

• This list is definately relatable to new Moms. I wish I had read this before my friends started having kids. 

• I can relate to this video, even the second time around as I stay up in the middle of the night trying everything I can think of to get Nolan to stop crying and go to sleep!  As I watch it I am nodding my head, saying, "That's so true!"

We are just going day by day right now. Not much time to sit and write down what I am experiencing, but some of the above gives a glimpse of this amazing roller coaster I call motherhood.

He's Here!

Nolan Michael arrived on August 12th at 7:14am in the morning, weighing seven pounds and fourteen ounces.  I had been having contractions off and on for a full week before this perfect little angel made his debut, but the delivery was fast and furious. He was born shortly after we arrived to the hospital and we were even lucky enough to have my amazing OB there for the delivery before his on-call shift ended.  Since Nolan's arrival the love in our hearts has literally multiplied. He brings so much joy to our family and every time I think back to the day he arrived I am filled with so much happiness. Our family is complete. 

We have been adjusting to life as a family of four and Chris and I have been working together to get into the groove of having two kids under two. There are so many things that I want to write about - like what it is like giving birth the second time around, how it feels to take care of two little munchkins, thoughts on having a boy, what our plans are for the next year, all the cute things Nolan does, how Maya is doing being a big sister, and so on. I get all these thoughts in my head and want to write it down but when you have two kids you really do not sleep at all (I know you don't with the first babe - but for reals you do not get ANY sleep the second time around when your toddler decides to start her day at 5am because she heard her baby brother waking up for a feed). So for now, I will just settle for posting random thoughts here and there until life becomes normal again. 

Speaking of which, my random thought right now is how grateful I am to have my husband around. We are such a team right now.  He is totally stepping up to the plate, and has always been an amazing father from day one. And the cool thing is we are able to stick together when things get stressful and still laugh with one another on a daily basis.  For example, as I write this I am laughing my head off  because I just watched him accidentally walk into the screen door to our back porch and now he is making fun of himself.  The other day we had a hilarious moment when we were changing Nolan's diaper on the go and we experienced our first "poop-nami"....but more on the later. 

In the mean time Chris and I are sitting in the living room playing scrabble with each other on our phones, making funny comments to each other about who is going to score more points.  Nolan is snoozing away all cuddled up nice and warm on my chest, and I am listening to Maya on the monitor sighing in content as she sleeps in her bed. It's no crazy night on the town, but what more could a girl ask for?

Getting Ready

So here I am again at 4am wide awake with no chance of getting back to sleep anytime soon. The same thing happened when I was pregnant with Maya towards the end. To pass the time this post will keep me busy from laying in bed analyzing the zillion things that I tend to analyze about life on a daily basis. 

We are at 38 weeks ladies and gentlemen! Well by my calculations I am 38 weeks - by my last ultrasound dates I am 37 and a bit (but really what's the difference, we are talking a range of a mere days, people!).  My OB appointment on Wednesday confirmed that things are moving along nicely. The doc doesn't think I will make it to 40 weeks. He guessed that I could go anywhere as early as tomorrow or next week. Lots of signs are happening, but it's one of those things that you just never know how long you have to wait - only baby gets to decide!

My plan was to take ten days of vacation from work before my due date to have a chance to nest and get organized, as well as spend some time with Miss Maya before the big arrival. But after my doc appointment I started panicking, thinking that I might not get the time at home I was planning, and so instead of starting my vacation on Monday I decided to get a head start a few days early (thanks to flexible bosses that I am lucky to have!).  Chris and I have also gotten the nasty head cold that Maya had last week (my throat is on fire, y'all). So I am hoping I will have a few days to recuperate a bit before I go into labour!

So on my first morning off, the need to get my house in order struck me fast. We spent the day organizing, making phone calls / arrangements for various things, and doing research on some last minute baby stuff. 

Maya must have known what was going on because as soon as she got out of bed she started practicing for when baby brother comes. 

She has been so freaking cute and adorable and so "grown up" lately it's disgusting - but we'll save that for another day. 

Another thing that I have been doing here and there is purchasing a few new things for baby Nolan's arrival. We pretty much have all the baby essentials that we need, but after having Maya there were a few things I came across that I wished I had, that I know I will use with the new itty bitty.

The real problem though.  There are these daily deal web sites that you can sign up to get steals on baby products. You never pay more than half price. This is dangerous for me because I literally get e-mails every day with a new deal that I am just so tempted to take advantage of, even though I don't always need the stuff, know what I mean? So I have been trying to be real good and only purchase things that I know are things that I will use a lot. 

I just love getting packages of baby stuff in the mail! Here are some things I have gotten lately online (FYI - I have not been paid to advertise for any of the said baby products - this is not that kind of blog). 

Hotslings

With Maya I used a Moby Wrap, which I absolutely love for around the house,  but it's a pain to use in public because it is so long and drags on the dirty ground when you put it on. I can't wait to try this new one out!

PB Green Bags

I was getting tired of always using up plastic sandwich bags so when I saw these I scooped them up.  They are great for keeping snacks in the diaper bag when we are on the go and easy for Maya to eat out of when she is hanging out in her stroller!

Macy Grace Cloth Diapers

I have been thinking about making the switch to cloth diapers for a while now and am slowly starting to build up a stash. Every time I see these diapers, or other ones half off I order a few at a time. Last order I also got a wet bag for when I am changing diapers on the go. 

Bambino Muslin Blankets 

I saw so many people with these multi-purpose swaddling blankets when I had Maya, (and thought they were the greatest). So this time around I snagged them as soon as I saw a deal. They are so light and airy for summer months. You can use them to swaddle without overheating or as a really breathable nursing cover when you are out and about. I so can't wait to use these!

I got all of these products half price, yo!

I also keep seeing deals on amber teething necklaces that I would like to eventually buy (but I promised hubby I would restrain myself and not go overboard with any more online purchases for a while). 

A few other things I snagged in store:

First Years On-The-Go Booster Seat

Planet Wise Wet / Dry Bag 

(you can hang on the back of your bathroom door to store dirty diapers)

Summer Infant Swaddle Me Blanket

Chris' parents were recently generous enough to purchase a double electric breast pump for us. With Maya I borrowed the Avent one from a friend and used it often. This time around we are going with the Hygeia, thanks to good reviews from my sis-in-law.  

The biggest purchase we still have to get is a double stroller. We love our BOB Revolution Stroller that we receivedas a gift for Maya,  but with two kids under two we need to expand! 

So we are looking at the Baby Jogger City Select double stroller. This thing you can use as a single or a double and it has so many different configurations. We plan to sell our BOB and use the money towards this new purchase because, whoa, the City Select is darn expensive. We have been looking to buy it used but no such luck yet. 

Today I have an appointment to get a much needed hair cut so that I don't look completely gross in my first pictures with my new itty bitty.  My next post will probably be a birth announcement so stay tuned. I'm getting excited!