On Being A Mother And Other Things

I came across this quote and oh my goodness it really hit home because I find myself picking apart my body all the time. Even though I say I want to model self esteem for my daughter I am not following it because it has become such an ingrained habit to diss my looks. Seriously every single gathering of women I have ever been a part of, whether it be girls night with my besties or just a team meeting at work, there are always comments back and forth from someone about how they hate their body and how they need to improve this and that. It totally makes sense that Maya is going to grow up with the exact same habit if I don't watch it. This quote has reminded me to be mindful of what comes out of my mouth AT ALL TIMES.

When I saw this quote I simultaneously came across this article and wow it also spoke to me. It's so true! Read it. 

Hey guess what? I got back to cardio kickboxing classes today!  For reals it was so great to be back. The workout kicked my arse, it did.  But I didn't care because it was the same when I went back from my pregnancy with Maya - I was weak for a bit but got stronger and faster. I know this time I will be kicking butt again in no time. The best part was being able to do actual jumping jacks and I even managed a few "burpees" (although sad looking ones, but I did it).  When I was pregnant with Nolan I could not do either of these things without modifying them immensely due to my baby belly. And laying on my back, I missed being able to lay on my back. And touching my toes. It's crazy the things you take for granted before you get pregnant and all of a sudden you are unable to do such simple things. So happy to have my body back - lumpy and mushy it is, but not for long people!

Speaking of my body I also went to the mall today and bought the dreaded in-between-clothes - you know the ones that you have to buy because you don't quite fit into your pre-pregnancy clothes yet and your maternity clothes are too big (or just no longer cute without the baby bump).  Last time after having Maya this is something that made me very sad and stressed but this time around I'm like "meh, whatever, I won't be wearing these for long!". And so I only bought one pair of jeans and one shirt and sweater because I am that confident that I won't need to wear them longer than a month. In the meantime I've got lots of hoodies and yoga pants to tie me over when I'm hanging around the house. 

Which brings me to my last note. Yesterday I started a structured meal plan again, a diet if you will, but a laid back one where I don't have to write anything down and just have to stick to certain kinds of foods (mainly whole foods) and avoid large quantities of other foods (junk food, processed stuff and the like). It's pretty much Weight Watchers Core plan from back in the day and it has worked well for me before (when I lost 35 lbs pre-Nolan).  So goodbye chocolate milk and raspberry yogurt muffin from the work cafeteria. I no longer need you as a second breakfast. Goodbye iced cappuccino, your caffeine and sugar will no longer be required to stay awake during the day. Goodbye Ben and Jerry's ice cream. You have brought me lots of pleasure but there's just no room for you in my pre-pregnancy jeans. Goodbye using my pregnancy as an excuse to indulge in such things on a regular basis.  It really was fun while it lasted but I knew the day would come - the date I set in my mind the whole nine months that Nolan was growing inside of me..... the day of my six week post-partem check up with the doc. I knew once that was done and over with it was back to the nitty gritty. That was the date I had decided that I would get back to my weight loss goals.  I'm all healed, breastfeeding has been firmly established, and our family is getting back into a new grove. It's go time. 

Back In Action

Not gonna lie, we've been in a bit of a rut lately. First it was getting used to having a newborn in the house again and meeting the needs of both our kids, then it was a nasty chest cold that has seriously put us out of commission this past week and a half.  To add further stress, Nolan decided that he HATES being strapped in his car seat and so any attempts to get out of the house or go for walks with the stroller were torture and mostly avoided.  To help us get through some of the chaos we started putting Maya in front of the TV a little more than usual. With netflix at our side we had a gazillion kids shows right at our finger tips. It was just so easy. It kept her quiet and in one spot long enough for us to get something done, or just to get some silence after her constantly calling my name and pulling at my leg all day.

The thing is though, we kinda created a monster. You see, Maya started to get addicted to TV. Like bonafide addicted. Her drugs of choice were "In the night garden", "Sesame Street", and  "Barney". It got to the point where she started to refuse dinner because she was too busy asking for "Iggle Piggle" and the "Pinky Ponk" over and over and over again. When we decided to cut her off cold turkey she was crazed to the point where we had to hide any reminders of her favourite shows (like the remote control and DVD cases) and were careful not to say certain words that would trigger a huge fit to watch it.  Seriously, it's kind of funny, but not really. Who would have ever thought an 18 month old could become so preoccupied with such a thing? At first we thought we were just using the TV as a tool to get us through this crazy patch and reassured ourselves that "it's not always going to be like this". In the end we started a really bad pattern over only a few weeks that I am sure could last a lifetime if we didn't recognize it and change it. One day I looked over at her sitting in front of the tube like a zombie and thinking "wow she is literally sitting on her ass doing nothing, not even moving or blinking".  What a way to start such a sedentary lifestyle for our little girl.  And so tonight after dinner we cleaned up the trail of snotty kleenex, made ourselves look half presentable, and put our shoes and sweaters on. We headed out into the back yard and had a full hour of fun, just running around and getting fresh air. 

It was great to get out and have a life again, to spend some time together as a family, not worrying about getting a kid fed or picking up toys. Even Gunther was pleased as he has seriously entered into a depression after Nolan's birth from all the neglect he's been experiencing.  I think we are slowly getting back into our groove and out of survival mode. It's about time 'cause these past seven weeks have been kind of a blur. I'm glad we are back to creating memories again. 

And for Maya, we are now implementing a time limit on her TV watching and scheduling physical activity as a family every day. Sure, she goes to swimming lessons and we have her in day care twice a week, but that isn't going to be enough. I never thought I would have to worry about these things at such an early age but here we are.  Anyone know of any great toddler activities we could try at home?

I've Made It This Far

TODAY'S MOTIVATION

Well I only have one more Christmas get together to go to. So far I have made it through all of them without any bad foods. By bad foods I mean ones that are rich and high in fat. So why would I spoil that if I've already made it this far?

RANT OR RAVE

What? There is a web site that gives thousands of free workout routines and exercises? Hmmmm. I haven't checked out any of the videos yet but how cool is that? Free. I guess there really are no excuses. 

RANDOMS

So Chris was away for two days for work and when he returned home I made a big deal and was like, "Look Daddy's home!". Then of course Chris made a big deal about missing Maya and had a big excited face when he came in the door.  Maya was overcome with emotion and her lips started trembling as soon as she saw her Dad. Then it turned into a full out cry! She started screaming. You may think that she is scared of her Dad or that she doesn't like him, but actually, she seems to be the type of kid that just gets overwhelmed when there is a big deal made and doesn't know how to react other than to cry. This is not the first time she did this when she has been away from her Dad so in the moment I grabbed the camera and took some pictures for her first year scrapbook.

Within a few minutes they were like two peas in a pod again!

Flabby

TODAY'S MOTIVATION

Hubby and I were looking at some old pictures yesterday and I came across some of me when I was about the same weight as I am right now. In the pictures I look so fat, but for some reason I feel different this time around. I think it's because I am a lot more active than I was then. I am not as flabby as I once was. 

Although I still have a lot of fat on top, I am getting more muscular. I don't want to go back to super flabby, so that is what I am thinking about today.  I want to eventually have less flab than muscle, rather than the other way around. The only way to do that is to eat healthy. I can work out all I want but it's all in what I eat. 

RANT OR RAVE

Came across this the other day. Only uses a small amount of oil. Gonna give it a whirl. If I can find all the ingredients. 

RANDOMS

Have you ever heard of baby friendly movies? Where I live there's a theatre that has movies every Wednesday you can go to with your baby. They have them in most of the provinces in Canada and a lot of places in the States. The lighting and sound is adjusted to your little one and no one cares if you have to whip your boob out to feed your kid or if they start crying. They have a spot you can park your stroller and an area for changing. 

Maya and I used to go sometimes when she was really little, cause she would sleep through the whole movie. But then she started talking and moving around and I figured it would be too much work to bring her. Today I decided to go anyway cause I haven't been to the movies in a while. It actually turned out well. She had some snacks for the first bit and then just kind of got sleepy and I was able to get her to fall asleep for the rest of the movie. It was nice to get out of the house and just do something entertaining for once.  If you have a baby you should check to see if your local theatre has a program for Moms and babies!

Clothes

TODAY'S MOTIVATION

I bought some work out clothes a little while ago and they were a bit too snug on me and today when I tried them on they fit nicely, even a bit baggy. 

I should have taken a picture, but nonetheless it made me feel good. Fitting into smaller sizes always keeps me motivated. 

RANT OR RAVE

Someone shared this youtube video on facebook the other day. Just another person reinforcing the value of exercise. 

When you are working out it feels good when you can look back on all good things you are doing for yourself. 

RANDOMS

We have a train track that is at the very end of our property and a passenger train goes by every few hours. It literally honks it's horn and zooms right by in a matter of seconds.We figured since we live on a two acre lot it would seem farther away.  But when we have the windows open it is quite loud. When we first moved into our house we were like, "What the heck did we get ourselves into?", but after a few days we stopped noticing it and now we don't even consciously hear it half of the time (unless I am cutting the grass and it scares the crap out of me!). 

But after Maya was born, we started noticing it again because she would stop what she was doing whenever it went by and her eyes would open wide. Now a lot of times when we hear the horn we say, "Choo Choo train!" and she still stops what she's doing and watches or listens for it. 

I tried to take a picture of it so I can write about it in Maya's first year scrapbook,  but it goes by so fast by the time I get my camera it is already gone. Today I happened to have the camera right beside me. 

I imagine "choo choo" is going to be one of her first words. 

Motorcycles

TODAY'S MOTIVATION

Today has gotten away from me, I literally rolled out of bed and went to kickboxing, then by the time I got back home my friend called and asked me and Maya to meet up by the lake for a walk and some girl talk.  We spotted quite a few motorcycles going by. It is nice out today, a break from the cold and wet weather we have been having lately. It made me think of my poor husband who owns a bike of his own but has not even gotten out on it once this year since Maya was born.  

Before we were married he used to come pick me up in the town I went to University and we would go for rides on his bike. We were young and had nothing else to do. It was fun riding on the back with my arms around him. After we got married, he sold the bike and bought a newer one. This one I only rode a few times. It is the kind of bike that is really only meant for one person, or one person and their stick-thin, feather-light girlfriend.  Over the years as I have gained weight I wouldn't even think about going on it with him. It's not that I wouldn't fit on the thing, it's just that I would look so silly on it. No one wants to look at a big fat but sitting on the back of a motorcycle. My husband talked about selling his bike this season, but I don't think he can bring himself to just yet. I know that he is too busy doing other more important things. Such as watching a Coldplay concert on TV with Maya which they are doing right now as I type this. 

But soon enough he will decide that it's time to say goodbye to the bike until things settle down, maybe when Maya is older, maybe when he retires, who knows.  In the mean time, I hope that he can bring it out a least a few more times, and with me on the back with a skinny butt, rockin' a cool jacket and matching boots, with my hair waving under my helmet, and just for one more time, enjoy being those youngsters we were years ago. 

RANT OR RAVE

Walking. It's under-rated. There are so many good things about going for walks. You get those endorphins going, you get to clear your head, you get to spend time with your pup or walking partner, you get to take in the scenery, and you get to burn off some fat while you are at it. I went for quite a few walks with Maya and Chris and our pup this summer and I see the benefits. Today was no exception So today I am giving a thumbs up to walks. 

NOTE TO SELF

Hot Dress

TODAY'S MOTIVATION

My brother and his girlfriend are getting married in May. A destination wedding in the lovely niagara falls. I can't wait. I wanna buy a smokin' hot dress to wear to the occasion. That's what motivates me today.

RANT OR RAVE

My hubby's work hours are changing for a little while and I couldn't be happier. He is only going to be working eight hours a day and will be home by 4:30pm Monday to Friday with weekends off.  He usually works shift work and his hours can be unpredictable, so this is a nice change. It means that I will be able to go to my cardio kickboxing classes at least four times a week.

 Excellent. I'm going to try to make the best of it while I can because this will likely be short lived. 

NOTE TO SELF

Bathing Suit Season, Eeeeek!

TODAY'S MOTIVATION

It's bathing suit season. Here's a picture of me trying to cover up as much as possible. 

Enough said.

RANT OR RAVE

Working out today is going to be a bloody gong show. I just don't have the energy and here's why:

1) My little one has decided not to let me sleep at all last night (and for most of this week as a matter of fact).

2) I'm feeling deflated by the fact that my milk production has gone way down. The diet that I am currently following has made suggestions for nursing mothers to follow to make sure that doesn't happen. It also cautions that nursing mothers should not lose more than 1lb a week. The thing is, I am trying to follow these guidelines by eating more vegetables, milk, and so forth but it is hard! So in the mean time, I have been supplementing a bit with formula, which I hate doing. I am feeling so conflicted between trying to lose weight and being able to nurture my child. Momma guilt sucks. And I'm sure some of this is connected to the lack of sleep in my house this week. 

3) My dog just came tapping on the back door soaking wet in skunk spray!  

Uggggggh!

I just want to go to bed!

NOTE TO SELF

Not So Picture Perfect

TODAY'S MOTIVATION

Ok, so there are two kinds of motivation. Things that you are motivated to achieve and things that you are motivated to change. Today, I am thinking about something I want to change:

Yowser! Look at that sausage arm and double chin! As much as it hurts to post such a picture of myself I just have to get real. Now, I know that I don't look like this in every picture. The timing of the picture and the angle are not flattering at all. But it doesn't matter. We all have them. Fat pictures. Those moments when we are on vacation or at a special event and later have to deal with what we actually looked like through the eyes of others (thanks to the pictures that were taken of us).

Here are a few more that have been taken of me lately.

Nothing like a dose of reality to smack me in the face and remind me just how bad I'm getting.  It's like the real me has completely disappeared and has been taken over by some fat stranger. 

So any time I feel like straying from a healthy meal plan today I will have these images ingrained in my mind. I will remind myself that I wasn't always like this and can get back to the real me if I really want to. Good bye sausage arms. You have been in my life for too long! 

RANT OR RAVE

Today is a rave.  I just love cardio kickboxing. It is the only place I can go and think about just myself for a whole hour. Even on days that I am dragging my butt, as soon as I finish a class I am so glad I went. 

Source: Krista Kersey's Cardio Kickboxing

I am grateful that I have some sort of physical activity that I actually look forward to most days and that I enjoy. Some people just really hate to exercise. I am glad that I am not one of those people. I feel sorry for those people. It doesn't make them a bad person, it just sucks that they have to try so hard to do something they hate. Now, if I could just get some of my friends to fork out some money and join classes with me....then they would be even better. 

NOTE TO SELF