On Being A Mother And Other Things

I came across this quote and oh my goodness it really hit home because I find myself picking apart my body all the time. Even though I say I want to model self esteem for my daughter I am not following it because it has become such an ingrained habit to diss my looks. Seriously every single gathering of women I have ever been a part of, whether it be girls night with my besties or just a team meeting at work, there are always comments back and forth from someone about how they hate their body and how they need to improve this and that. It totally makes sense that Maya is going to grow up with the exact same habit if I don't watch it. This quote has reminded me to be mindful of what comes out of my mouth AT ALL TIMES.

When I saw this quote I simultaneously came across this article and wow it also spoke to me. It's so true! Read it. 

Hey guess what? I got back to cardio kickboxing classes today!  For reals it was so great to be back. The workout kicked my arse, it did.  But I didn't care because it was the same when I went back from my pregnancy with Maya - I was weak for a bit but got stronger and faster. I know this time I will be kicking butt again in no time. The best part was being able to do actual jumping jacks and I even managed a few "burpees" (although sad looking ones, but I did it).  When I was pregnant with Nolan I could not do either of these things without modifying them immensely due to my baby belly. And laying on my back, I missed being able to lay on my back. And touching my toes. It's crazy the things you take for granted before you get pregnant and all of a sudden you are unable to do such simple things. So happy to have my body back - lumpy and mushy it is, but not for long people!

Speaking of my body I also went to the mall today and bought the dreaded in-between-clothes - you know the ones that you have to buy because you don't quite fit into your pre-pregnancy clothes yet and your maternity clothes are too big (or just no longer cute without the baby bump).  Last time after having Maya this is something that made me very sad and stressed but this time around I'm like "meh, whatever, I won't be wearing these for long!". And so I only bought one pair of jeans and one shirt and sweater because I am that confident that I won't need to wear them longer than a month. In the meantime I've got lots of hoodies and yoga pants to tie me over when I'm hanging around the house. 

Which brings me to my last note. Yesterday I started a structured meal plan again, a diet if you will, but a laid back one where I don't have to write anything down and just have to stick to certain kinds of foods (mainly whole foods) and avoid large quantities of other foods (junk food, processed stuff and the like). It's pretty much Weight Watchers Core plan from back in the day and it has worked well for me before (when I lost 35 lbs pre-Nolan).  So goodbye chocolate milk and raspberry yogurt muffin from the work cafeteria. I no longer need you as a second breakfast. Goodbye iced cappuccino, your caffeine and sugar will no longer be required to stay awake during the day. Goodbye Ben and Jerry's ice cream. You have brought me lots of pleasure but there's just no room for you in my pre-pregnancy jeans. Goodbye using my pregnancy as an excuse to indulge in such things on a regular basis.  It really was fun while it lasted but I knew the day would come - the date I set in my mind the whole nine months that Nolan was growing inside of me..... the day of my six week post-partem check up with the doc. I knew once that was done and over with it was back to the nitty gritty. That was the date I had decided that I would get back to my weight loss goals.  I'm all healed, breastfeeding has been firmly established, and our family is getting back into a new grove. It's go time. 

Back In Action

Not gonna lie, we've been in a bit of a rut lately. First it was getting used to having a newborn in the house again and meeting the needs of both our kids, then it was a nasty chest cold that has seriously put us out of commission this past week and a half.  To add further stress, Nolan decided that he HATES being strapped in his car seat and so any attempts to get out of the house or go for walks with the stroller were torture and mostly avoided.  To help us get through some of the chaos we started putting Maya in front of the TV a little more than usual. With netflix at our side we had a gazillion kids shows right at our finger tips. It was just so easy. It kept her quiet and in one spot long enough for us to get something done, or just to get some silence after her constantly calling my name and pulling at my leg all day.

The thing is though, we kinda created a monster. You see, Maya started to get addicted to TV. Like bonafide addicted. Her drugs of choice were "In the night garden", "Sesame Street", and  "Barney". It got to the point where she started to refuse dinner because she was too busy asking for "Iggle Piggle" and the "Pinky Ponk" over and over and over again. When we decided to cut her off cold turkey she was crazed to the point where we had to hide any reminders of her favourite shows (like the remote control and DVD cases) and were careful not to say certain words that would trigger a huge fit to watch it.  Seriously, it's kind of funny, but not really. Who would have ever thought an 18 month old could become so preoccupied with such a thing? At first we thought we were just using the TV as a tool to get us through this crazy patch and reassured ourselves that "it's not always going to be like this". In the end we started a really bad pattern over only a few weeks that I am sure could last a lifetime if we didn't recognize it and change it. One day I looked over at her sitting in front of the tube like a zombie and thinking "wow she is literally sitting on her ass doing nothing, not even moving or blinking".  What a way to start such a sedentary lifestyle for our little girl.  And so tonight after dinner we cleaned up the trail of snotty kleenex, made ourselves look half presentable, and put our shoes and sweaters on. We headed out into the back yard and had a full hour of fun, just running around and getting fresh air. 

It was great to get out and have a life again, to spend some time together as a family, not worrying about getting a kid fed or picking up toys. Even Gunther was pleased as he has seriously entered into a depression after Nolan's birth from all the neglect he's been experiencing.  I think we are slowly getting back into our groove and out of survival mode. It's about time 'cause these past seven weeks have been kind of a blur. I'm glad we are back to creating memories again. 

And for Maya, we are now implementing a time limit on her TV watching and scheduling physical activity as a family every day. Sure, she goes to swimming lessons and we have her in day care twice a week, but that isn't going to be enough. I never thought I would have to worry about these things at such an early age but here we are.  Anyone know of any great toddler activities we could try at home?

Sicky McSick Alot and Other Stuff

So we are going on day five of Maya being sick. We thought she was getting better yesterday but then last night and this morning she was a miserable cough-a-holic snot machine. This is her just spacing out in her Dora chair before leaving for her doctor's appointment. 

One minute she's cranky and tired, the next she seems like a normal bouncy todder. Doc says that its just viral, but I HATE sick toddlers.  This past weekend we tried to keep our space from the other kiddies around, and spent the majority of our time inside in the air conditioning. No fun when there's bar-b-ques and what not. I just can't wait for my little Maya boo to get better. When she has a cough attack it just breaks my heart. 

While Maya has been napping I have been trying to do some of my last minute nesting for Nolan's arrival.... and of course taking breaks in the recliner to give sweet relief to my aching back. Hence the reason I have been able to do so many blog posts lately in the past few days.  Which brings me to some of my inner thoughts today. 

Now that we have a boy on the way I have really been noticing just how gender specific our world has become. I mean, I noticed it somewhat when I was pregnant with Maya and it seemed you could not find a piece of girl clothing that didn't have pink in it.  It still irks me to this day that when you go to a toy store there is always two separate sides of the store - aisles for boy stuff and aisles for girl stuff (and nothing in between). Sometimes I want to buy an item that doesn't have either blue transformers on it or pink cinderella, for cryin' out loud!  Prime example was when I went to get Maya a foam chair and they only had pink Dora or blue Cars. Nothing gender neutral (so annoying!). 

When I had Maya I swore that I wasn't going to let stupid things like colours dictate her gender and personality (even though I myself am a girly girl and love girly things, including pink). I vowed that I wasn't going to inundate her with princess this and easy-bake-oven that. I was going to let her play with whatever she wanted, let her read whatever books she wanted, and let her be who she is.  If she likes pink ponies, great. If she doesn't, no big deal. 

But then Mr. Nolan came to be, and now that I will have a girl AND a boy, I feel like I am really going back on what I had been preaching to myself lately. Case in point: we have these swaddle things that we used with Maya and at the time the store only had pink ones so we got them. At the time I said to myself, "If we have another baby and it turns out to be a boy we can still use them again. They are only swaddle blankets, who cares if our potential son ends up having to wear pink PJ's or blankets? He'll never know the difference!".  I went so far as to put the pink girly ones in the dresser drawer in the new nursery. I was planning on packing one with me for the hospital when I stopped and realized if I did this, everyone at the hospital will automatically assume Nolan is a girl. And so, the other day when i was at Toys' R Us I bought some blue ones. 

And just like that it turns out I do care what people think afterall. I don't want my boy to be mistaken as a girl. And really if you think about it I have subconsciously been assigning gender stereotypes to my kids from day one. Just look at both the nurseries for crying out loud! They couldn't get any more girly and boyish than that! Who am I kidding, I'm just like the rest of them. Is that a bad thing? Probably not. But I still will be ok if my little boy would rather join figure skating than hockey. For real, I could care less. And if Maya doesn't like to wear skirts and makeup, I would never try to convince her otherwise. But I have to admit I do really like how some things are more boyish than girlish (and vice versa). It's just so cute when you see a little tiny baseball cap or a pink tutu.  And the other day I did accept someone's offer to give me "boy" coloured blankets for baby to replace the pink ones that we received as gifts for Maya. I don't think there is anything wrong with enjoying those things, as long as I don't limit my kids and let them be who they are (especially when they are old enough to start expressing their gender on their own). In the meantime, we'll just go with the flow. 

But yes, I still hate all things princess and refuse to give my little girl barbies and ten different baby dolls! And I still won't let Nolan play with only Tonka trucks!  I might not want my boy to wear pink, but I still don't want him thinking he can only do boy stuff. Just sayin. 

My Kid

TODAY'S MOTIVATION

I don't want to pass on bad habits to my daughter. I don't want her to grow up being confused about what healthy living is. I don't want her to have to worry about how to be healthy when she is older because I am going to teach her good habits from day one.  I also want her to know what real food looks and tastes like. I don't want her to go over to a friend's house for dinner and wonder what they are eating because she is only used to processed cheese slices and chicken fingers, like some kids these days. But most importantly, I want her to feel good and always do her best and that starts with eating healthy. I am going to try my best to instil this into my daughter and it starts with me living this example every day. 

RANT OR RAVE

Someone sent me the link to this blog post the other day.  I liked it and thought I would share 'cause when it comes down to it, I have my beliefs of how to raise my child (as mentioned above) - but I'm not gonna give you grief for how you raise yours. My only rule is don't abuse your child. Other than that, do whatever you want - I'll try not to hate!

RANDOMS

Guess who finally learned to crawl? I'm in trouble now. Watch out Gunther!

Lovely Bridesmaid Part Three

TODAY'S MOTIVATION

I now fit into another smaller bridesmaids dress. This is the third one down the line. The previous two can be found in this post. 

Still have a ways to go, but it's baby steps...it's baby steps. Next up - the red dress, then my wedding dress. Looking forward to that one. I gained a lot of weight between my wedding and this black dress so I will be happy when this one is too big for me. I am hoping to be able to fit into the wedding dress by my 30th birthday. That only gives me a month and a half!

RANT OR RAVE

My husband is going to be away which means I will be single parenting it for a few nights. Not looking forward to it. I am hoping to rely on family and friends to help me get to kickboxing this week....i'll be bummed if I don't make it.  

NOTE TO SELF

Leading By Example Continued

TODAY'S MOTIVATION

You may remembering me talking about how I want to set a good example for my cute precious baby girl. Well, not only do I want to model good eating habits, but I also want her to establish a high self esteem. This day in age, it is sooooooo easy for women and girls to feel like what they are, what they look like, what they do, is not good enough. They don't need to also learn it from their mothers. Over the last few weeks, I have realized that I can criticize myself with the best of them. Although there are many things about myself that I do like, I do not want Maya growing up with a mother that always hates the way she looks in the mirror. I have already started to be conscious about what I say about myself in front of her, because I know that children learn what they live. Although I vent on this blog about what I want to change about my body, I eventually want to get to a point in my life when I can just be happy with the the weight I am at and how I look. I am not shooting for super model status, just to look and be healthy.

Source: CW Network

I feel that little girls establish their first sense of self worth by how their mommy and daddy act toward themselves and towards each other, and also by what comments they make about others in the media and in real life.  So that is a goal I will remember today, to get to a point where I can model high self esteem for my daughter. I read an article once that got me thinking about how we talk to little girls, and I do agree with some of it. It really reinforces what influence we adults have on little girl's idea of self worth. I also want my itty bitty to feel like she is beautiful inside and out!

RANT OR RAVE

Ok I found this marinade for chicken tawook the other day, and I loved it. My best friend who came over for dinner and my husband seemed to like it too so I will share the recipe. 

Shish Tawook Marinated Chicken

3 tablespoons vegetable oil 

2 tablespoons plain low-fat yogurt 

2 tablespoons ketchup 

2 tablespoons prepared mustard 

1 1/2 teaspoons garlic powder 

2 teaspoons paprika 1 

1/2 teaspoons ground allspice 

1/2 teaspoon black pepper 

1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon 

1/4 teaspoon curry powder (optional) 

3 pounds skinless, boneless chicken breast halves cut into bite-size pieces

Dipping Sauce:

1/2 cup mayonnaise, fat free 

1 cup plain low-fat yogurt 

3 cloves garlic, minced 

1/4 teaspoon salt

In a medium bowl, stir together oil, yogurt, ketchup, mustard, garlic powder, paprika, allspice, black pepper, cinnamon, and curry powder. Stir in chicken pieces, coating all sides with marinade. Cover bowl, and refrigerate overnight. To make dipping sauce, mix together mayonnaise, yogurt, garlic, and salt. Cover and refrigerate.

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Transfer chicken pieces to a shallow baking dish. Bake in a preheated oven 30 minutes. Serve with dipping sauce. Makes 12 servings.

We did ours on the barbecue instead. I also did not do the dipping sauce but instead opted for a tzatziki sauce recipe that has fat free yogurt and fat free sour cream. It was yummy!

NOTE TO SELF

Leading By Example

TODAY'S MOTIVATION

I know I have been using a lot of shallow (for lack of a better word) reasons for motivation, mostly to do with how I want to look on the outside, but really it goes deeper than that.  I want to be a good example for my little itty bitty girl. I can't stand it when I see parents who basically say to their kids "Do as I say, not as I do".  I don't want to feed Maya healthy food and lecture her about being active when she is older, only for her to see that I am not taking care of myself. Besides, everyone knows that the most effective way to influence your children is through your actions. So today my motivation is to remember that I am now setting an example for Maya, and that it is not just about me anymore. I am convinced that most of the positive traits I possess today are a direct result of my Mother's good example growing up. 

I also feel that everyone develops some bad habits from their parents (it's only natural) which they bring into their adulthood and I want to break those habits so I don't pass them on to Maya.  My mantra today will be "do as I do", not "do as I say". 

RANT OR RAVE

I randomly came across this person's blog post the other day and it got me thinking a bit more about why I am doing all of this. She talked about how she feels that our society is too obsessed about dieting and losing weight. She feels that people should just accept themselves and start to love themselves on the inside. Though I agree on a basic level with what she says, I think it's more complicated than that.  Yes society has made women feel they have to look perfect and be stick thin for years. Yes obsession with dieting may inadvertently be causing our society to become more overweight. All of our distortions aside, the fact remains that we have an obesity problem in this country and people need to lose weight if they want to live longer.

I think "diet" really is a relative term. With all the processed foods, hormones, and increasing portion sizes, we have forgotten what eating normal looks like. We think that "dieting" is giving up junk food and eating more natural healthy food, when in fact, that is just eating normal.  We have grown up with so many bad eating habits that we don't even recognize that these habits are not supposed to be the norm. There are fad diets out there that promise you will lose ten pounds in two days, and they work, but that is not eating healthy - that is a short term solution to a much bigger problem.  I think we need to start defending food and aiming to get back to what really is a normal way of eating.  

The eating guidelines I am following allow me to get back to that, with some limited consumption in the meantime while I slowly lose weight (while enabling me to establish better habits for when I don't have to lose anymore).  I think that people who are successful in getting healthy are the people who change their lifestyle for the better, and challenge the distorted thoughts that often lead to bad choices.  In the end they do like themselves better and are not obsessed with being a size two.  So I agree we have to get away from "dieting" per se, but we do have to change our values and start taking care of ourselves! 

NOTE TO SELF

Fat Girl In A Skinny Class

TODAY'S MOTIVATION

At my cardio kickboxing classes, there is a mirror that runs all along the main wall, which is natural for such a place.  A lot of the members sort of line up along the opposite wall, sitting on the benches, stretching, waiting for the prior class to end. We are usually all side by side, looking at ourselves in the mirror during the process. This is the time when I often get to see how I measure up to the others. Since a place like this is usually full of skinny fit people, I often feel like I stick out from the crowd. I find myself feeling even fatter than I am in comparison to everyone else. It's only natural right? When I do see a person or two who is the same as me, it's not as bad. On the other hand, although I view myself in this way, I always tell myself that it is better to be the fat girl at a workout class than it is to be the fat girl in a crowd somewhere else. At least here I am doing something about it. I know it won't always be like this. I can kick, punch, and jump like the rest of them, but some day soon I will be a skinny girl who can kick, punch, and jump! And I will kick, punch, and jump even higher and stronger than ever before.

RANT OR RAVE

Ok I know that zillions of parents have had the same woes since the dawn of time but I'm going to complain anyway. Sleep deprivation is like slow and painful torture. When you hear your little one crying for the fifth time during the night, after you finally have just reached that state where you have fallen asleep, it's absolutely MADDENING!  When it happens repeatedly you seriously begin to forget whether you are awake or dreaming. A lot of times you end up accidentally knocking the lamp onto the floor or tripping over the rug and you hear yourself cursing up a storm as you nurse or rock your sweet baby back to sleep. There is a book - a children's book for parents let's say, written about just this sort of thing. Any parent who has read it is surely nodding their heads and saying "Amen!" to the words in the book. My little itty bitty was sleeping through the night starting at Eight weeks old. The whole time she was just probably laughing on the inside because she knew that as soon as her Daddy and I started to get used to having solid chunks of sleeping hours she would switch it up and decide to get up at all hours of the night, you know, just to keep us on our toes. A few pivotal points in her plan were when she decided to get up at 3:30am the morning of her Aunt's wedding, a very important day to her Mommy, and not go back to sleep at all. Another was this past week where she felt compelled to scream bloody murder if she is not being held or rocked at a moment's notice in the night. On top of that, gas and an ear infection has left her especially clingy and whiney during the last few days, often resulting in a lack of quality naps.  Any day that Daddy would normally be able to help out, has been taken away from Mommy due to "overtime" and "paid duties". Yes, you may say, it's my fault, I rock her too much, I don't let her cry long enough, I shouldn't have given her rice cereal,  I do this, I don't do that. But oh my goodness I am trying my best and let me tell ya this lack of sleep is really affecting my work-outs and my overall sanity. The lack of sleep thing honestly never really bothered me much until these past three weeks. I usually took it in stride, knowing that it was all part of the job, however lately I just can't seem to shake the tortured feeling. But then each day comes, and the sun rises, and my cute adorable little girl smiles at me and all is forgiven, and we get on with our day. 

NOTE TO SELF