Time to talk about some stuff.

Ok, now that I am pregnant again things are so much more simple and so much more complicated at the same time. I don't even know where to begin. I will start by saying I have not been giving this blog much attention lately, and I think it is partly because I have been wanting to change the focus a little bit and revamp but just haven't had time. Plus with being pregnant and not announcing it yet it was hard to write about my weight loss journey without talking about it.

So details. I am currently 12 weeks. My due date is August 17th (same day as my cute little niece's birthday).  I found out pretty early, the morning we were getting ready to have my in-laws over for a Christmas get together. There was a faint pink line, and my husband and I were trying to react without waking up our guests who had stayed overnight. So we kept silently mouthing what we were thinking to each other and smiling at the news. At the same time we were kind of like, "What did we get ourselves into?". Our little ones will only be 17 months apart - almost a year and a half. But although it was a bit scary to think about, we were so excited about the idea of our family growing.

We told our close family and friends early, because we knew we were going on a vacation with Chris' parents and we wouldn't be able to go the whole two weeks keeping it a secret from them - especially when I would have to turn down a glass of wine (or sangria in this trip's case). I still have not had an ultrasound - where I live they do a routine one at about 11-14 weeks and another one around 18-20 weeks. I have one scheduled next week.  Hopefully the results will come back without any worries, but if something does show up we will handle it.

So this change will have a major impact on my goals of getting healthy and losing weight. It really has been difficult for me to wrap my head around what defines healthy eating because my goal has always been to lose weight and now my goal is just to maintain. The first thing my doctor told me was to quit the meal plan I was following (because essentially it was a diet) and just eat normal healthy food. On the other hand, I still have the issue of my gall bladder - doc says that I will have to try to get through this pregnancy without too much gall bladder inflammation because they only do gall bladder surgery on pregnant women in cases of emergency or infection. So essentially I am still supposed to eat low fat, high fibre - which was exactly what I was doing before. So she said that in my case I may actually lose some weight during my pregnancy instead of gain weight depending on how much fat intake I limit myself to.

Over the holidays I have been trying so hard to find what foods cause me gall bladder pain so that I can avoid them, but it seems that no matter what I cut out or eat I was still getting pain. Then all of a sudden after New Years the pain kind of went away. And again, it seems no matter what I ate or didn't eat, it didn't seem to make a difference. So I started eating things like margarine, milk, olive oil, and lettuce again (all things I was told to avoid). I still tried to stay clear of desserts and the like and was able to avoid them all together until I went on vacay.  So now lately I have just been eating whatever I want because there does not seem to be anything upsetting my gall bladder at this time. But I do wonder if I am just playing "russian roulette" and the time will come when I have another attack. So I really should still try to eat low fat as much as possible.

And that brings me to the other factor affecting my eating right now. Major morning (all day) sickness. I had it bad when I was pregnant with Maya and it has been back this time with a vengeance.  I have been taking diclectin - a safe pill you can take for sickness during pregnancy and it has definitely taken the edge off and some days I actually feel normal. But it has affected my appetite and I have had a few food adversions. I have been staying clear of chicken, it grosses me out, and have switched from ground turkey to ground beef for the same reason. I have been wanting mostly bland comfort foods like pasta dishes and toast and cereal. And omigoodness I have been craving sweets!

And now that I am pregnant I have been secretly telling myself that I can get away with eating things that before I would not have touched. I am gonna have to watch out for that! But more on that later.

So, yeah, things are a changin' for me. I am currently trying to wrap my head around the whole concept of weight maintenance rather than weight loss. I am trying to motivate myself to have some new goals specific to my pregnancy, which I plan to talk about on here.  I am still going to kickboxing, I got the green light from my doctor to continue. I am sticking to the basic moves and watching my heart rate. I am so glad that I will still be exercising cause during my last pregnancy I quit kickboxing and felt like crap because of it.

In the next few weeks I will be changing some of the stuff on this blog - updating things and deleting things - to keep up with the new changes and to reflect where I am in my journey right now.

This blog started out as posting daily reasons of motivation to no one in particular, mainly as a way for me to keep accountable and focused. It has since evolved into sharing about my life with others and saying what's on my mind.

I hope that you will enjoy reading about my journey as I continue to write about my experiences! Good or bad, no matter whether I accomplish or fail, I will always try to be honest about what I share with you all!

For now I will leave you with a few cute pictures of Maya on our vacation!

And Then Two Things Happened...

Ok in my previous post I talked about getting off track. Well today I will explain how I am back on track.

Two things happened:


First...
Since my trip to Nova Scotia I had not been making myself very accountable, I hadn't been as religious in writing down my meals, and I had been constantly saying to myself that I would get more strict with my eating "tomorrow".  I was also struggling with the whole concept of being on a diet, when so much research suggests that diets are not effective in the long term. I knew that I was heading for trouble in terms of reaching my goals if I didn't figure things out. I also knew that whatever happens, the fact still remains that I have more weight to lose if I want to be in the healthy range for weight. So I reached out to someone and said, "Hey, I'm not doing good right now, please give me some advice".  This person provided me with some tips on what has worked for them, and gave me a whackload of encouragement. This person reminded me that I am not alone and that it is possible to reach my goals.

Second...
The next day was my 30th birthday and I allowed myself to have some treats, but in the end it added up to a lot of stuff that my body just hasn't been used to lately. Let's see....my husband made me chocolate chip pancakes, oranges, and bacon for breakfast. I had hot chocolate that afternoon. My husband ordered some cupcakes from the bakery which I gladly sampled (just so you know my husband never sabotages my diet, he was just trying to spoil me for a day and I happily accepted). We went out for dinner that night and had filet mignon with pasta, garlic bread, and cheesecake. The next day I vowed to get back into the habit of things and did really good until after dinner I caved and had some chocolate before bed. Needless to say, my body had clearly had an overload of rich foods that it just wasn't used to!

That night I woke up with extreme pains in my back and abdomen. It was worse than having a contraction during childbirth! And on top of it I couldn't breath through the pain like being in labour - It was hard to breath at all. My husband knew that he was not going to get me in the car to the hospital and so an ambulance came and brought me to the hospital. The verdict when the doctor checked me out - they think it was my gall bladder. I still have to do an ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis, but after some googling I am convinced that I had a gall bladder attack. Basically, your gall bladder is a pear shaped organ near your liver which is responsible for storing bile that digests fat in your body.  If the liver is overloaded with toxins and saturated fats, the bile (which carries toxins and fats) will eventually inflame the gallbladder. When enough cholesterol deposits (from saturated fats) have formed, they crystallize with the bile to form gallstones.

Things I read about gall bladder disease on the internet:
-factors linked to gall bladder disease include: family history, obesity, rapid weight loss, and pregnancy hormones
-if you want to avoid gall bladder attacks cut out certain foods that are high in saturated fat or have surgery to have your gall bladder removed

Can I just say that having a gall bladder attack was horrible and I don't ever want it to happen again? These are the exact type of health problems I said that I did not want to end up with. You remember me talking about always feeling hungry? Well I think it was my gall bladder acting up, I just didn't realize it at the time and I interpreted the abdominal discomfort as hunger. The point is, my body has clearly been talking to me. Would this have happened if I was never overweight and if I never had to lose so much weight after my pregnancy (I was 50 lbs heavier during my last week of pregnancy than I am today). Who knows, but it doesn't really matter because this is enough to keep me focused. It only takes one health scare for this girl to get it. The short term pleasure of eating a piece of cheesecake no longer appeals to me in comparison to what I experienced. Christmas parties are happening all over, there is going to be a lot of junk food up in my face, but I am up for the challenge.

Progress Report

PROGRESS REPORT

Time for another progress report. I'm gonna break it down like this:

Progress:

I have been working out very consistently, my activity level has been good lately. I am getting to kickboxing three times a week. Going for hour walks with Maya whenever the weather presents itself. When I work out I can do things faster, longer, with more effort without feeling tired.  On days I cannot find some kind of exercise to do Maya and I go to the mall to walk around, or I lug loads of laundry up and down the stairs, or I get down on the floor with Maya and do some abs. 

A lot of birthdays and what not have been going on and I have had to try to make healthy food choices at fast food restaurants, people's houses, etc.  I was able to indulge a bit for Chris' birthday, but the rest I have been pretty good with planning ahead or making last minute modifications to what I eat, although sometimes that has backfired (more on the in a minute). 

Another pair of jeans are falling off, and some other clothes are getting too big, but I am not fitting in to the next size yet. Weird. I fit into the next bridesmaids dress but it is still a bit too snug so I am going to wait to post pictures when it fits more properly. 

Overall physically I do feel a lot better, I notice that my legs are not as flabby, my neck blob is going away a bit, my but is getting a bit smaller. 

Setbacks:

For the past month the numbers on the scale have barely moved. I go down two pounds only to go back up again a few days later. Then I lose three and go back up one, etc. This week I am basically at the same number I was more than three weeks ago. Frustrating. But I'm sure there are some reasons. 

Even though I have been making good choices when I go out, there are times when I cave at the end of the day and have a jam sandwich or popcorn or a protein bar, all things which are "extras" that were not part of my meal plan that day. A few things have lead to this. Let me give you one example: We went to this kids play centre for my nieces birthday and afterwards they took the kids to a fast food place for supper. I improvised and ordered a salad. I tried to find the one on the menu that would be the most healthy, although it still had some things I had to pick out. When I got home later that night I wasn't feeling satisfied cause the quality of the salad was just not that good, so in turn I ended up caving and snacking for the rest of the night. Another example: there have been a few times when I would come home from kickboxing feeling pretty good and then step on the scale to see that I have not lost any weight that week. So then out of self pity I would get into the "I give up" attitude and snack on empty calories like crackers, sandwich, etc. All of these things usually happened before bed which is problematic in itself. 

Sometimes I have seconds at dinner, for example more chicken, or more quinoa, etc. My husband questions really I am still hungry or just trying to fill up. Most of the time I convince myself that I am not full yet but who knows maybe I need to be more cautious of this. 

I have not been getting enough sleep at all. I really think this has had an affect on me emotionally and physically. It's like the missing piece that I am not getting to have a healthy lifestyle. But there's not much I can do about it at this point except hope it will get better before I go back to work in March. 

Overall I feel I am still making progress and experiencing the benefits of eating healthy on a consistent basis. Even with some of my snack attacks I have been pretty good overall. And it's not like I am going out and having chocolate ice cream and McDonalds every day.  I will keep at this, as long as it takes, and even when I am most frustrated. I will try to remember that I am changing my lifestyle and that in itself is a good thing.  But still, I want to lose more weight, so hopefully if I step it up a bit, I can make that happen. I still want to fit into my wedding dress by the end of the month so we'll see what happens!

Progress Report

HERE'S THE BREAKDOWN...

So for the past two months it's been a "take two steps forward, one step back" kind of deal. For the most part, I have been able to stick to the plan. With plenty of reasons for motivation, and encouragement from others, I have been able to lose approximately 15-18 lbs. It's hard to say for sure, because I don't remember exactly what my start weight was, and I didn't really start keeping track the first few weeks. But I think this guess is pretty close to being accurate. On average I have been losing about 2lbs a week.

There have been some times where I wasn't able to stick to the plan completely. For example the time I caved and had fast food. There have also been some times lately where I was so hungry at night that I ended up having a granola bar or toast, jam, even leftover pasta on one occasion. These things aren't the worst thing, except that they are not part of the diet I am following and also not mean to be eaten at night. That seems to be the only time of day where I tend to cave, after Maya goes to bed. I think it has to do with the fact that I am actually sitting down and then I start to feel like snacking on something other than fruit, veggies, etc. But slowly each day the cravings are less and less. It really is mind over matter, I don't know why sometimes I convince myself that it's ok to deviate from the plan. My biggest downfall is convincing myself that I am going to allow just one little indiscretion and then start over again the next day. Except then the next day comes and I tell myself the same thing. The good news is that I catch myself doing this, and more often than not I remind myself that there is no day but today. Another downfall is when I do make a bad choice I tend to really beat myself up for it. This can be dangerous because sometimes it leads to the feeling of giving up. But again, I usually catch myself and with every new day there is a new reason for motivation. This blog has really helped with that and it is a main reason I started it - so that I can stay focused on my goals every day. 

I have been having dreams again this past week on days where I ate something I should not have, which have reflected feelings of helplessness and failure. For example, I had one dream where I was driving and I swerved off the road a bit and when I went to start driving again I realized that Maya was injured and I felt really bad. I think it meant that  I was feeling like I was straying from the plan and that I was inadvertently hurting Maya by not sticking to the plan.  I also had a dream that all of these safari type animals started showing up in my yard and since it was out of the ordinary I wanted to take pictures but my camera wouldn't work properly. I interpreted that as the fact that something different is happening in my life but I was feeling that I wasn't quite getting there yet. Why am I sharing this? Because I think it speaks to the fact that my mind is really trying to work through all of this and perhaps that means that change is in fact happening. 

So that's basically the internal workings of my mind, put out there in cyberspace in attempt to externalize it from myself, in order to work through it and change my behaviour for the better. 

But all in all, despite some of the steps back, I have made many steps forward. On a whole I have been consistent with getting right back to the plan despite some of the detours along the way. I continue to find sources of motivation on a daily basis and there are many good days. I know I still have a long way to go but I keep trying to tell myself that slow and steady wins the race. We'll see. There are many people in my life who have gone on this same journey in the past. They have achieved their own weight loss goals and I can't help but wonder if these are the sort of things they went through in their minds. There are also some people who are going through it with me now, and it keeps me inspired to continue on.  If they can do it, so can I. 

I am close to fitting into my next bridesmaid dress. I am hoping I will in the next few weeks. I have been able to get to kickboxing as much as possible. Although it is not as many days a week as I would like, I am getting there whenever the chance arises, and that's all I can hope for. I usually aim for at least three times a week. I am getting stronger. I can do a few more push ups. I can hold planks a little longer. I can kick a tad higher. I hope to continue to make improvements in this area. Only time will tell. I have also been getting my pup out for walks as much as I can when the weather cooperates. Another big thing that I am going to try to do is be more vigilant on making sure that I get all my required servings in every day (especially water and milk).  It's hard to do some days!

There have been ups and downs. I have had some stresses. I am still adjusting to motherhood, every day I am seeing changes in my sweet precious baby girl. I have dealt with low milk supply, lack of sleep, worrying about solids, teething, and so on. Despite that, I have been able to focus on taking care of myself for the most part. Anyone who is a mother knows that it is difficult to take time for yourself when you are so invested in taking care of your children. I'm glad that I am making the effort. 

I have a good support system. My husband has been great. I don't have the stress of work right now. All of these things have also helped make a difference. 

So that is my progress report. I will keep on moving on. It doesn't matter how long it takes for me to reach my goals, I am just going to keep working and trying.  Even if there are steps backwards along the way I will make even more steps forward. I look forward to posting small victories on here as time goes on until one day a final post will announce that I have arrived at my destination. That I have reached my goals. Until then, I hope you continue to enjoy reading about my journey.