A Lifestyle

Well honestly I know I have not had much to really write about lately. This past week I have been focusing on the positive things which have been happening as a result of my efforts so far. There are still a million other reasons to stay motivated, but you see I try to really use sources of motivation that kind of just come to me on a certain day - things which sometimes happen for a reason.  Lately that hasn't really been occurring for me.  I have mostly just been on this kick of maintaing things, trying to enjoy the things which I used to take for granted like being able to do more than just a few push ups, fitting into old clothes, being able to take a picture of myself without completely wincing. I am definitely feeling healthier and having more energy lately. But there is still more weight to lose, still more goals to achieve, still more things to look forward to. For example, I want to be ale to run into an old high school friend and not be completely embarrassed by the way I look. I want to be able to completely get rid of my neck blob (i'm getting there slowly but surely). I want to be able to be the best role model that I can be for my daughter.

But when it really comes down to it, I just really want to live a certain lifestyle that is healthy and happy.  I am getting there, one small change at a time. It has been so gradual that I almost have not even noticed it. It is all about changing your whole beliefs and values about how to live your life, how to raise your family, how to plan for the future. Not just having beliefs, but actually following them. There are still many changes that I would like to make, things that I would eventually like to do (like start my own garden, buy more local foods, use cloth diapers), but one thing at a time. One thing at a time.

So today, the biggest thing that I an thinking about is the new me that I am becoming and the person that I will continue to grow into until my senile old lady years.

RANT OR RAVE

I have complained on here time and time again about lack of sleep in my house and how it affects me. I am happy to report that last night my little one only got up once at 3am! Yes, just once! Well technically she woke up at 10pm right before I went to bed but that doesn't count cause I was still awake. And she slept in until 7:30am! This has been a trend lately. Instead of 5 or 6am wake times she has been getting up a bit later. Life is good. 

RANDOMS

Ok I feel like I have been the last person to get on the pinterest bandwagon, but goodness I love that site! I am waiting for my invitation, can't wait!  I first came across it when someone wrote about it in her blog. I checked it out and thought "that's cool!", but then forgot about it. Then my SIL mentioned it to me again and I was like, "Oh yeah, I wanted to get on that!".  It would have come in real handy when I was planning my wedding, or decorating the nursery.  I am one of those people that has folders and folders of stuff that I grab off the net for ideas so this site will come in real handy!

A few things I found recently:

How to paint your nails.

Store your sheets in the matching pillow cases to keep sets together.

Cool fabric wreath.

When I get my own pinterest board, I'll send ya the link!

Never Give Up

TODAY'S MOTIVATION

I wrote this last night before I went to bed: 

"Not gonna lie. Not doing the greatest these last few days. For the past week I start the day off motivated and ready to keep working towards my goals, only to find myself at the end of the day laying in bed and feeling like I've failed.  Somehow by mid afternoon something or other seems to always happen where I end up convincing myself that I don't need to watch what I eat so closely and then somewhere in there a peanut butter and jelly sandwich gets eaten or I grab an extra taco at dinner time - you know, things that are not part of my meal plan. Then I feel bad for giving in and for telling myself that I will start fresh the next day because we all know that never works out. The thing is, I have been sick lately. Now Maya is sick. Chris has been recuperating. None of us have been getting any sleep. I just have had no desire to do anything and snacking seems to make me feel better. The time of year kind of blows too. Pretty soon it will start getting miserable outside.  I was all excited about getting to kickboxing but my sinus cold kicked my ass and with Maya getting sick also I just didn't feel like going.  It's been almost two weeks since I've worked out. The longer I go without it, the harder it is to get back into it, know what I mean?   But the thing is, being sick or not, I am really struggling with this whole dieting thing. Although I am trying to focus on just eating healthy, when it comes down to it, I am following a diet to lose weight. I am constantly being told that dieting doesn't work - and yet I am doing exactly that anyway.  Some times it gets to the point where I feel like I put so much pressure on myself for results that when I don't have a good week I feel like an utter failure. Sometimes I feel like I would just be happier if I gave up trying to lose weight and just lived my life. But for the sake of being healthy I know that I have to lose a bit more before I can truly say that I am at a healthy weight. I constantly second guess what the right reasons are for doing this. I constantly second guess myself with everything. It's just the way I am. People who know me best would agree that I analyze everything. But in the end, I always go back to the same thing: I don't want to be overweight and so the only solution is to keep fighting the good fight and never give up. That's what is on my mind tonight. I know that no matter what, I will never stop trying, I will never stop trying to overcome this as long as I live. Even if I never get there, I will die knowing that at least I lived my life always trying.  Who knows, by tomorrow I may be back to my old self and find some motivation. Until then, I will just remember to keep trying."



And then I got some sleep.....



Last night my husband was feeling a bit better so he volunteered to get up with Maya last night, no matter how many times she woke up. He also volunteered to get up with her in the morning if I was still sleeping.

I GOT NINE AND A HALF HOURS OF SLEEP!

I took some drugs for the first time in a year and went into the guest bedroom and put in some ear plugs.

This morning I feel like a new woman. I have not gotten that much uninterrupted sleep since before Maya was born. Seriously. Feeling much better and more optimistic today. Chris said Maya got up three times last night and I barely heard her. Sinus cold is finally on the mend. It's amazing how different your perspective is on life when you just get a good night sleep. 

RANT OR RAVE

Portions. I suck at judging what a healthy portion is at times. When I cook spaghetti I always end up with more than I originally thought I put in the boiling water. When I cut up ingredients for salad I end up having way more than what actually fits in the bowl. I usually have to measure out things like dressing or sauce because I can't eyeball stuff like that. I don't know where I get this from. Maybe it's cause I grew up in a large family and because my parents both grew up in large families. I've always been around meals that were cooked for several people.

This has even affected my ability to know how much food to give Maya. I try to feed her until she tells me she's full, but I think sometimes I subconsciously don't give her too much for fear that I will teach her bad eating habits. When my doctor told me what is a normal amount of food for a baby to eat I was surprised that it was that much. But I took her advice and started focusing less on my own issues and more on the fact that she is a growing baby. I also sometimes forget that my baby is not on a diet and it is ok to give her things like cheerios and other foods once in a while - it's not gonna kill her.  Because I am of a generation that focuses so much on losing weight and dieting I have almost forgotten what eating normal looks like. It's kind of hard to explain but just wanted to vent out about it all.

RANDOMS

Have y'all heard about Movember? Well a few close family members have joined the many guys out there who are raising money with their facial hair. One friend in particular started growing a mustache in the name of Movember and ever since this time I just cannot look at him and take him seriously. His stach has sincerely made him look like a mix between super mario and chester the molestor.  If you knew him, you would know that he looks hilarious with his new look. Then today I was reading the local news online when his picture came up in an article. Here is the said picture:

I usually don't post pictures of other people on here very often but I couldn't resist. Way to go friend for raising money for a good cause. And way to go to all my family members out there who are doing the same!

Good job guys!

Strength

TODAY'S MOTIVATION

Although I still have much more to accomplish, I am physically getting stronger. Because I am carrying around a little less weight I am feeling a bit like my old self again. That in itself keeps me going today.

RANT OR RAVE

Seriously, this is something that has always bothered me and has been something that is not a new issue, just like my beef with oversized portions. The issue is the cost of wholesome "real" food versus processed junk food. How is anyone expected on a limited budget to eat healthy when you have to pay, for example, six dollars for pears or eight dollars for grapes? It's no wonder that someone such as a single Mom with three kids would be buying macaroni, frozen pizzas, and Burger King.  I know there is such a bigger and more complex reason why this is the way it is but I still don't like it. I have always forked out the money for decent food time and time again but resent having to nonetheless.

Image source: http://wagnerfpa.wordpress.com

There are times when I have seriously considered starting a garden, and if I didn't have a full time job and busy schedule during the summer I probably would. Maybe next year. Our society is in such a bad funk when it comes to our priorities with what we eat. Sure it's all about supply and demand but we really are being held hostage in a way.  There are many families that cannot speak with their pocket book and the food manufacturers know this and take advantage of it. Then we have generations of kids that grow up relying on such food and becoming addicted to it. Just my opinion.  What do you think?

RANDOMS

Someone from my online birth club posted this on facebook a little while ago and it made me laugh. I was thinking, "Wait a minute! Did Maya write this?"

Awake Training for Parents:

Dear Fellow Babies,

OK, here’s my situation. My Mommy has had me for almost 5 months. The first few months were great – I cried, she picked me up and fed me, anytime, around the clock. Then something happened. Over the last few weeks, she has been trying to STTN (sleep thru the night). At first, I thought it was just a phase, but it is only getting worse.

I’ve talked to other babies, and it seems like its pretty common after Mommies have had us for around 5-6 months. Here’s the thing: these Mommies don’t really need to sleep. It’s just a habit. Many of them have had some 30 years to sleep – they just don’t need it anymore. So I am implementing a plan. I call it the Crybaby Shuffle.

It goes like this:

Night 1 – cry every 3 hours until you get fed. I know, it’s hard. It’s hard to see your Mommy upset over your crying. Just keep reminding yourself, it’s for her own good.

Night 2 – cry every 2 hours until you get fed.

Night 3 – every hour.

If you have an especially alert Mommy, you can stop crying for about 10 minutes, just long enough for her to go back to bed and start to fall asleep. Then cry again. It WILL eventually work. My Mommy once stayed awake for 10 hours straight, so I know she can do it.

Most Mommies will start to respond more quickly after about 3 nights. Some Mommies are more alert, and may resist the change longer. These Mommies may stand in your doorway for hours, shhhh-ing. Don’t give in. I cannot stress this enough: CONSISTENCY IS KEY!! If you let her STTN (sleep through the night), just once, she will expect it every night. I know it’s hard! But she really does not need the sleep; she is just resisting the change.

The other night, I cried every hour. You just have to decide to stick to it and just go for it. BE CONSISTENT! I cried for any reason I could come up with:
-My sleep sack tickled my foot.
-I felt a wrinkle under the sheet.
-My mobile made a shadow on the wall.
-I burped, and it tasted like rice cereal. I hadn’t eaten rice cereal since breakfast, what’s up with that?
-The dog said “ruff”. I should know. My Mommy reminds me of this about 20 times a day. LOL.
-Once I cried just because I liked how it sounded when it echoed on the monitor in the other room.
-Too hot, too cold, just right – doesn’t matter! Keep crying!!
-I had drooled so much my sheets were damp and I didn’t like it touching me.
-I decided I was sick of all the pink in my room so I cried.

It took awhile, but it worked. She fed me at 4am. Tomorrow night, my goal is 3:30am. You need to slowly shorten the interval between feedings in order to reset your Mommies’ internal clocks.

Sometimes my Mommy will call for reinforcements by sending in Daddy. Don’t worry Daddies are not set up for not needing sleep the way Mommies are. They can only handle a few pats and shhing before they declare defeat and send in the Mommy.

Also, be wary of the sleep sheep with rain noises. I like to give Mommy false hope that listening to the rain puts me to sleep sometimes I pretend to close my eyes and be asleep and then wait until I know Mommy is settling back to sleep to spring a surprise cry attack. If she doesn’t get to me fast enough I follow up with my fake cough and gag noise that always has her running to the crib. At some point I am positive she will start to realize that she really doesn’t really need sleep.

P.S. Don’t let those rubber things fool you, no matter how long you suck on them, no milk will come out.
Trust me.
Sincerely,
Baby J

Popcorn Standoff

TODAY'S MOTIVATION

Ok. So you may remember me talking about the cookie standoff, when I first started out with getting healthy. At the time it was quite the temptation until I declared that I wasn't going to give in and eat them. They are still sitting in my cupboard untouched. 

Well I have decided to declare a standoff with the popcorn. I have talked a lot on here about my popcorn addiction.  The fact that I had gotten in the habit of eating it most nights. Even though it isn't the worst thing in the world to make it was still problematic for two reasons: 1) I usually ended up putting cheesy powder on it and 2) it was always before bed time (which is counter-productive when you are trying to loose weight).  So, four days ago I put the popcorn on my counter and decided I wasn't going to touch it anymore. 

I will look at it when I pass by, and let it taunt me, but I will not touch it. So far it has been a success. So today my motivation is knowing that I can say no even to something as addicting as popcorn.

RANT OR RAVE

Ok, I'm sure some people are probably sick of me complaining about the lack of sleep. But don't hate, this is my outlet. Today I want to rave about the opposite. You see, on Friday night my hubby came home from  being out of town for four days. He decided to get up with Maya the whole night, no matter how many times, so that I could get some uninterrupted sleep. Even though I still woke up when she cried, I forced myself to roll over and try to get back to sleep. By morning time, I had gotten about eight hours of sleep. The first time I have gotten eight straight hours since Maya went through her "sleeping through the night" phase a few months back. No word of a lie, I felt like a different person. I kicked ass in kickboxing class that morning. Major energy. What a difference sleep makes! On top of that, Maya slept for another two hours during her morning nap so I got to take a shower and get ready at a leisurely pace without any intteruptions. It was a great start to the day. The day got even better when we got to hang out with Chris' family for dinner. Maya loved watching everyone and being a part of the group. Last night my baby girl got up four times and so it was back to zombie mode, but I am still thankful for the recoup Friday night. 

Speaking of which, I can't believe how naive I was when I first thought about getting up with a baby before  Maya was born. I was all like "well everyone goes through it, so it won't be that bad I will love my baby so much I will just roll with it". But seriously, I never would have realized how much lack of sleep affects you on a day to day basis. Everyone else makes it look like no big deal. But now I know that as much as you love your child, and as much as you love to spend time with them, you still cherish your sleep. 

I have decided that some seven month olds just get up a lot more at night than others. Could be teething, could be gas, could be too cold, could just want a cuddle. Who knows, sometimes it's hard to tell. But who cares, I have stopped reading the parenting books for the most part because I was driving myself crazy trying to follow different kinds of advice. I just do what works for me. Yes, I could let her cry longer in her crib at night. Yes I could try to change how we do her feeds. Yes there are lot of things we could experiment with, but at the end of the day I am doing what my instincts tell me and I know that there will be a day when Maya no longer wants me to hold her and rock her to sleep. She is already getting mobile and being a squiggly worm during the day. I know these precious moments are running out. So I surrender to the sleep torture. I'm going to enjoy it while I can. Sure it may make me a different crazy person for a while, but I am Maya's crazy person. That's all the matters.  

NOTE TO SELF

What Matters The Most

TODAY'S MOTIVATION

This baby girl is keeping me going on this particular day. 

RANT OR RAVE

Lack of sleep is getting to me again. Starting to feel ill. Going to try to nap as much as possible with Maya today. 

NOTE TO SELF

Thanksgiving Dinner

TODAY'S MOTIVATION

YOWSER!!!!!  I need to keep this picture engrained in my mind when I am tempted today with stuffing, cranberry sauce, and the like.  Sure, I just had a baby at the time of this picture, but still. 

On another note, I have gotten a hair cut that doesn't look so brutal anymore. It's kind of my "in between" cut - the one that you get after the brutal hair cut that helps you grow your hair back out into the one that you actually want.

RANT OR RAVE

You've heard me rant a lot about sleep, or lack thereof, many times. Well I curse the neighbour who blares his music and sets off fire crackers until 4:30am every saturday night, especially on this particular night when my sweet baby girl decides to only get up once and let mommy sleep the rest of the night, only Mommy cannot get back to sleep because of douche bag neighbour guy who is an alcoholic and keeps turning on his music after the police show up. Arrested for disturbing the peace after the third visit from the cops. Oh that's too bad, I almost feel sorry for you. Almost. 

NOTE TO SELF

TIRED BEYOND WORDS

TODAY'S MOTIVATION

This morning I'm too tired to even think straight. I will continue to fight the good fight today despite this. Tomorrow I will do a real post about going through my closet. Stay tuned. 

Serendipity?

TODAY'S MOTIVATION

The other day Chris was watching The Biggest Loser on TV.  It happened to be a day that I was craving some sort of junk food, although I can't remember what the food was. Seeing the show pop up on TV reminded me of the bigger picture and I kept on task. I have a friend who always tells me that things happen for a reason and she believes that things come up in your life just when you need them.  I believe that we are the makers of our own destiny, but I can't help but think maybe on some level she is right.  I guess this would just be one small example.

Often times when I am needing some sort of boost something comes up or I run into someone and it keeps me going. Today I am going to remember that if I get stuck and hope that something comes my way to keep me motivated. 

RANT OR RAVE 

I've complained about this before, but man, the lack of sleep is catching up to me again. I am trying to phase out Maya's night time feedings, she has been getting up twice a night.

I long for the days when she was sleeping ten hours straight. Those were the days. I really think it's starting to affect my health and may even be slowing down my weight loss progress. We'll see how we make out tonight. 

NOTE TO SELF

Sleep!

TODAY'S MOTIVATION

Sleep. It does a body good. The more I read about eating healthy the more I hear about sleep and how both impact one another. It's no major revelation that sleep, diet, and exercise are the three main pillars to good health, and of course all need to be in good balance in order to feel good. I know right now I am kinda screwed in the sleep department having an infant and all, but I would have to say that I can already see the benefits of eating healthy on my sleep as well as my overall health. For example, I can pretty much get up twice a night with Maya or be up for the day at 4am and not go back to sleep and still function the rest of the day. Yes I always feel tired, but not the kind where you feel like you are going to die if you don't have a nap. There have been periods where it felt like torture when Maya would get up every hour due to gas or ear infection. But for the most part, on a day to day basis, I can honestly say that when I get up with Maya I can cope rather well. I strongly feel that this is in large part due to the fact that I am eating better and exercising. If I was not taking care of myself, it would be a much bumpier ride.

I also have seen benefits when I was pregnant. During my pregnancy I was taking vitamins and getting my servings of fruits and vegetables in, etc.  I also wasn't "over doing it" with other things like work and projects at home, etc. As a result I was way less sick when I was pregnant than before. I know that the hormones alone  change so much of the make up in your body, but I only ever got one chest cold the whole nine months. Other than the crazy morning sickness, I was pretty healthy. Prior to my pregnancy I had multiple sinus infections, allergies, the flu, chest congestion. Since having Maya and taking care of myself I have not gotten sick once!  Coincidence? I think not! I know there are actual studies to prove or disprove my ideas but this is my theory and I'm sticking to it! So today I am going to think about this if I feel the urge to sway from my eating plan. I am going to think about how eating healthy and taking care of yourself really does have a huge impact in your overall day to day functioning. And eventually when Maya is 18 years old maybe I will sleep again :)

RANT OR RAVE

Remember me talking about how frozen bananas become the texture of ice cream when blended?  Well, did you also know that blending regular bananas also gives the texture of a milk shake! I blended half a cup of blueberries, one banana, and one cup of milk and voila, I instantly had a milkshake. You have to make sure to put it on the "whip" setting on your blender (you have to experiment to get the right texture - too little blending is too thin, too much blending is too thick).  I like to put mine in the fridge to chill and then drink with a straw for the full effect. I may even experiment with using ice next time to see if that does anything for it. 

Anyhow, give it a try. It's a creative way to get some of your fruits in and it is more fun than a smoothie (although very similar in taste, but different in texture). 

NOTE TO SELF

Fat Girl In A Skinny Class

TODAY'S MOTIVATION

At my cardio kickboxing classes, there is a mirror that runs all along the main wall, which is natural for such a place.  A lot of the members sort of line up along the opposite wall, sitting on the benches, stretching, waiting for the prior class to end. We are usually all side by side, looking at ourselves in the mirror during the process. This is the time when I often get to see how I measure up to the others. Since a place like this is usually full of skinny fit people, I often feel like I stick out from the crowd. I find myself feeling even fatter than I am in comparison to everyone else. It's only natural right? When I do see a person or two who is the same as me, it's not as bad. On the other hand, although I view myself in this way, I always tell myself that it is better to be the fat girl at a workout class than it is to be the fat girl in a crowd somewhere else. At least here I am doing something about it. I know it won't always be like this. I can kick, punch, and jump like the rest of them, but some day soon I will be a skinny girl who can kick, punch, and jump! And I will kick, punch, and jump even higher and stronger than ever before.

RANT OR RAVE

Ok I know that zillions of parents have had the same woes since the dawn of time but I'm going to complain anyway. Sleep deprivation is like slow and painful torture. When you hear your little one crying for the fifth time during the night, after you finally have just reached that state where you have fallen asleep, it's absolutely MADDENING!  When it happens repeatedly you seriously begin to forget whether you are awake or dreaming. A lot of times you end up accidentally knocking the lamp onto the floor or tripping over the rug and you hear yourself cursing up a storm as you nurse or rock your sweet baby back to sleep. There is a book - a children's book for parents let's say, written about just this sort of thing. Any parent who has read it is surely nodding their heads and saying "Amen!" to the words in the book. My little itty bitty was sleeping through the night starting at Eight weeks old. The whole time she was just probably laughing on the inside because she knew that as soon as her Daddy and I started to get used to having solid chunks of sleeping hours she would switch it up and decide to get up at all hours of the night, you know, just to keep us on our toes. A few pivotal points in her plan were when she decided to get up at 3:30am the morning of her Aunt's wedding, a very important day to her Mommy, and not go back to sleep at all. Another was this past week where she felt compelled to scream bloody murder if she is not being held or rocked at a moment's notice in the night. On top of that, gas and an ear infection has left her especially clingy and whiney during the last few days, often resulting in a lack of quality naps.  Any day that Daddy would normally be able to help out, has been taken away from Mommy due to "overtime" and "paid duties". Yes, you may say, it's my fault, I rock her too much, I don't let her cry long enough, I shouldn't have given her rice cereal,  I do this, I don't do that. But oh my goodness I am trying my best and let me tell ya this lack of sleep is really affecting my work-outs and my overall sanity. The lack of sleep thing honestly never really bothered me much until these past three weeks. I usually took it in stride, knowing that it was all part of the job, however lately I just can't seem to shake the tortured feeling. But then each day comes, and the sun rises, and my cute adorable little girl smiles at me and all is forgiven, and we get on with our day. 

NOTE TO SELF