Rockin' The Stache

For the first three weeks of his life, Nolan always got this mark over his lips from nursing. Do you think he could pull off a pencil mustache one day?

Getting Through

Well we now have a six week old and an eighteen month old on our hands. We are slowly getting into a groove, getting past the crazy, and entering what I call a "normal hectic".  Still overwhelming at times, but a new phase nonetheless. I have two of the cutest kids on this earth and we wouldn't have gotten to this point without the awesome support of our family and friends. It's the big things and the little things that make all the difference.

It's my mother who stayed for five nights taking care of me and my family, providing company, food, and reassurance in the hours of uncertainty before my labour.  She constantly told me to sit down and rest while she took care of things. She watched over my precious little girl when Chris and I had to be away from her overnight for the very first time so that I didn't have to worry about her. When we came home from the hospital already sleep deprived, she was there, making things easier as we figured out how to juggle two kids. Our freezer was stocked with meals, our laundry was folded, and we had home made baby wipes made for us before she departed. Several follow up phone calls were made in the weeks to come, just checking in to see how we were doing. There are times as an adult when you still need your Mom and mine was there for me and I will always remember that.

It's my mother-in-law who stayed over and bought food for us and took care of all the cooking and got up at 4am to rock the baby when we were exhausted.  She was that extra pair of hands that were needed to juggle both kids at meal times and bath times, preventing meltdowns that would have ensued if I were on my own. She never hesitated to get down on the floor to play with Maya, knowing that she needed extra attention with all the changes happening.  She insisted that Chris and I get out of the house for a few hours for dinner on our own, helping us to relax and reconnect. She spent every moment during her visit soaking up the joys of being a grandmother.  She even stayed in her PJ's until dinner time one day because she was too busy taking care of Maya so that I could run some errands.

It's my best friend who met me at the park one day just so that I could get out of the house and have some adult conversation, and so that Maya could actually go on the swings and the slide (things that I wouldn't have been able to make happen by myself with a three week old baby who constantly wanted to be held).  Even though she was uncomfortably eight months pregnant, and just getting off best rest, she insisted on coming to visit when Chris was working afternoons. She let me take a shower and helped with dinner and bath time. She spent some quality time with Maya, french braiding her hair, and held Nolan to give me a break. She even stayed for girl talk and chai tea when the kids were sleeping. She was there during a time when I just needed the company of my best friend.

It's my other best friend who provided text messages of encouragement when I was feeling overwhelmed. She took the lead on pulling things together when we hosted a baby shower only five weeks after Nolan was born and she didn't make me feel guilty when I couldn't do more to help. She was there insisting that I sit down and eat when Chris and I were trying to juggle two cranky kids at my brother's wedding reception. She entertained Maya while her sister (who happens to be my sister's best friend) took Nolan off of our hands, all the while they hadn't even had their dinner yet. Their kind and selfless act warmed my heart and will always be a touching memory of my brother's wedding. I was even kept company when I had to leave the party to nurse Nolan in the other room (since he is such a distracted eater).  In the quiet of the room we had our usual girl talk.

It's my sister who always feels like she is not doing enough for me, because she lives so far away, but who always calls to see how I am doing even when I can't answer the phone or call her back right away. She always sends gifts in the mail, and always makes time to skype with the kids so that they can remember her face and hear her voice. She even paid for me to get my makeup done for my brother's wedding because she thought I deserved fifteen minutes of "me" time.

It's all the other people who visited, called, sent baby stuff, brought food, and mailed cards.

It's all of these things and more that have gotten us through. It's all of these things that have reminded us that we are loved and that we are not alone.

Only having two kids and feeling so overwhelmed at times, I don't know how my grandmother raised twelve and lived to tell about it.

I have a feeling maybe it was the big and little things that people did for her, just like they did for me, and just like I will do for others.

We may not have everything under control all the time, but I think we're doing a pretty good job so far thanks to all the help!

This Too Shall Pass

In the midst of the night things are jumbled, hectic, urgent. I think if I do not get to finally sleep in my own bed without a screaming newborn attached to me THIS MINUTE, I am seriously going to have a meltdown and may end up in crazyland permanently.  I ask for help, and he pulls through for me, taking the baby from my arms.  I collapse into myself sobbing until it's all out of me, feeling like such a failure, until I give in to sleep. A few hours later in the morning light I wake up and realize what a crazy pants I must have been. Things always seem clearer in the morning.

The day goes on and I try my best to go through the motions without getting stressed, without screwing up, but the whole time I can't shake that feeling - the feeling you get when you realize that you are not being the Mom that you always hoped to be. The one who can feed her baby with ease and without complication. The one who can settle her child to sleep with a simple lulabye. Why won't he just eat? Why won't he just sleep? Why is it that the second time around I am none the wiser to what a crying baby is asking for? And so I continue to struggle throughout the day with the simplest of tasks. I can't seem to get the baby sling tight enough. I dropped another glass on the floor. I hit every red light on the way to the grocery store, causing the baby to start screaming all over again. I forgot for the tenth time to feed the damn dog.

I keep telling myself to just take deep breaths and remember that this too shall pass. Besides, I know the kids will sense my mood and so I need to keep it together. By eight o'clock both are bathed and sleeping peacefully for the time being. It's finally quiet. I pick up and make the house look decent again. I go on the computer and look up info on over abundant milk supply and how to make your own baby wipe solution. I connect with friends via text message to let them know how I am doing. I write this post.

Things now seem less dire, less extreme. I'm more grounded.  I reflect on things and remind myself of what I said before - this too shall pass. One day my babes will be all grown and this will be a distant memory. I'm not the only one who has, or ever will, go through this season of life. The confidence will come back. The joy will return. All of the second guessing and being hard on myself will end soon enough. I know I'm a good Mom, this is just something that many of us go through, even the second time around. And the two most important reasons why it is all worth it are in their beds right now, safe and sound.  Yes, this too shall pass.

I hope there are people out there reading this, taking comfort in the fact that they are not the only ones who have moments of discouragement in this thing we call motherhood. My hope is that we can still embrace each other for all that we are and all that we give our children - crazy momma behaviour and all.

    

Some Motherly Reflections

"Becoming a mother is to decide forever to have your heart walk around outside of your body"

-Elizabeth Stone-

• This list is definately relatable to new Moms. I wish I had read this before my friends started having kids. 

• I can relate to this video, even the second time around as I stay up in the middle of the night trying everything I can think of to get Nolan to stop crying and go to sleep!  As I watch it I am nodding my head, saying, "That's so true!"

We are just going day by day right now. Not much time to sit and write down what I am experiencing, but some of the above gives a glimpse of this amazing roller coaster I call motherhood.

He's Here!

Nolan Michael arrived on August 12th at 7:14am in the morning, weighing seven pounds and fourteen ounces.  I had been having contractions off and on for a full week before this perfect little angel made his debut, but the delivery was fast and furious. He was born shortly after we arrived to the hospital and we were even lucky enough to have my amazing OB there for the delivery before his on-call shift ended.  Since Nolan's arrival the love in our hearts has literally multiplied. He brings so much joy to our family and every time I think back to the day he arrived I am filled with so much happiness. Our family is complete. 

We have been adjusting to life as a family of four and Chris and I have been working together to get into the groove of having two kids under two. There are so many things that I want to write about - like what it is like giving birth the second time around, how it feels to take care of two little munchkins, thoughts on having a boy, what our plans are for the next year, all the cute things Nolan does, how Maya is doing being a big sister, and so on. I get all these thoughts in my head and want to write it down but when you have two kids you really do not sleep at all (I know you don't with the first babe - but for reals you do not get ANY sleep the second time around when your toddler decides to start her day at 5am because she heard her baby brother waking up for a feed). So for now, I will just settle for posting random thoughts here and there until life becomes normal again. 

Speaking of which, my random thought right now is how grateful I am to have my husband around. We are such a team right now.  He is totally stepping up to the plate, and has always been an amazing father from day one. And the cool thing is we are able to stick together when things get stressful and still laugh with one another on a daily basis.  For example, as I write this I am laughing my head off  because I just watched him accidentally walk into the screen door to our back porch and now he is making fun of himself.  The other day we had a hilarious moment when we were changing Nolan's diaper on the go and we experienced our first "poop-nami"....but more on the later. 

In the mean time Chris and I are sitting in the living room playing scrabble with each other on our phones, making funny comments to each other about who is going to score more points.  Nolan is snoozing away all cuddled up nice and warm on my chest, and I am listening to Maya on the monitor sighing in content as she sleeps in her bed. It's no crazy night on the town, but what more could a girl ask for?

Getting Ready

So here I am again at 4am wide awake with no chance of getting back to sleep anytime soon. The same thing happened when I was pregnant with Maya towards the end. To pass the time this post will keep me busy from laying in bed analyzing the zillion things that I tend to analyze about life on a daily basis. 

We are at 38 weeks ladies and gentlemen! Well by my calculations I am 38 weeks - by my last ultrasound dates I am 37 and a bit (but really what's the difference, we are talking a range of a mere days, people!).  My OB appointment on Wednesday confirmed that things are moving along nicely. The doc doesn't think I will make it to 40 weeks. He guessed that I could go anywhere as early as tomorrow or next week. Lots of signs are happening, but it's one of those things that you just never know how long you have to wait - only baby gets to decide!

My plan was to take ten days of vacation from work before my due date to have a chance to nest and get organized, as well as spend some time with Miss Maya before the big arrival. But after my doc appointment I started panicking, thinking that I might not get the time at home I was planning, and so instead of starting my vacation on Monday I decided to get a head start a few days early (thanks to flexible bosses that I am lucky to have!).  Chris and I have also gotten the nasty head cold that Maya had last week (my throat is on fire, y'all). So I am hoping I will have a few days to recuperate a bit before I go into labour!

So on my first morning off, the need to get my house in order struck me fast. We spent the day organizing, making phone calls / arrangements for various things, and doing research on some last minute baby stuff. 

Maya must have known what was going on because as soon as she got out of bed she started practicing for when baby brother comes. 

She has been so freaking cute and adorable and so "grown up" lately it's disgusting - but we'll save that for another day. 

Another thing that I have been doing here and there is purchasing a few new things for baby Nolan's arrival. We pretty much have all the baby essentials that we need, but after having Maya there were a few things I came across that I wished I had, that I know I will use with the new itty bitty.

The real problem though.  There are these daily deal web sites that you can sign up to get steals on baby products. You never pay more than half price. This is dangerous for me because I literally get e-mails every day with a new deal that I am just so tempted to take advantage of, even though I don't always need the stuff, know what I mean? So I have been trying to be real good and only purchase things that I know are things that I will use a lot. 

I just love getting packages of baby stuff in the mail! Here are some things I have gotten lately online (FYI - I have not been paid to advertise for any of the said baby products - this is not that kind of blog). 

Hotslings

With Maya I used a Moby Wrap, which I absolutely love for around the house,  but it's a pain to use in public because it is so long and drags on the dirty ground when you put it on. I can't wait to try this new one out!

PB Green Bags

I was getting tired of always using up plastic sandwich bags so when I saw these I scooped them up.  They are great for keeping snacks in the diaper bag when we are on the go and easy for Maya to eat out of when she is hanging out in her stroller!

Macy Grace Cloth Diapers

I have been thinking about making the switch to cloth diapers for a while now and am slowly starting to build up a stash. Every time I see these diapers, or other ones half off I order a few at a time. Last order I also got a wet bag for when I am changing diapers on the go. 

Bambino Muslin Blankets 

I saw so many people with these multi-purpose swaddling blankets when I had Maya, (and thought they were the greatest). So this time around I snagged them as soon as I saw a deal. They are so light and airy for summer months. You can use them to swaddle without overheating or as a really breathable nursing cover when you are out and about. I so can't wait to use these!

I got all of these products half price, yo!

I also keep seeing deals on amber teething necklaces that I would like to eventually buy (but I promised hubby I would restrain myself and not go overboard with any more online purchases for a while). 

A few other things I snagged in store:

First Years On-The-Go Booster Seat

Planet Wise Wet / Dry Bag 

(you can hang on the back of your bathroom door to store dirty diapers)

Summer Infant Swaddle Me Blanket

Chris' parents were recently generous enough to purchase a double electric breast pump for us. With Maya I borrowed the Avent one from a friend and used it often. This time around we are going with the Hygeia, thanks to good reviews from my sis-in-law.  

The biggest purchase we still have to get is a double stroller. We love our BOB Revolution Stroller that we receivedas a gift for Maya,  but with two kids under two we need to expand! 

So we are looking at the Baby Jogger City Select double stroller. This thing you can use as a single or a double and it has so many different configurations. We plan to sell our BOB and use the money towards this new purchase because, whoa, the City Select is darn expensive. We have been looking to buy it used but no such luck yet. 

Today I have an appointment to get a much needed hair cut so that I don't look completely gross in my first pictures with my new itty bitty.  My next post will probably be a birth announcement so stay tuned. I'm getting excited!

Maya and Her Daddy

Sicky McSick Alot and Other Stuff

So we are going on day five of Maya being sick. We thought she was getting better yesterday but then last night and this morning she was a miserable cough-a-holic snot machine. This is her just spacing out in her Dora chair before leaving for her doctor's appointment. 

One minute she's cranky and tired, the next she seems like a normal bouncy todder. Doc says that its just viral, but I HATE sick toddlers.  This past weekend we tried to keep our space from the other kiddies around, and spent the majority of our time inside in the air conditioning. No fun when there's bar-b-ques and what not. I just can't wait for my little Maya boo to get better. When she has a cough attack it just breaks my heart. 

While Maya has been napping I have been trying to do some of my last minute nesting for Nolan's arrival.... and of course taking breaks in the recliner to give sweet relief to my aching back. Hence the reason I have been able to do so many blog posts lately in the past few days.  Which brings me to some of my inner thoughts today. 

Now that we have a boy on the way I have really been noticing just how gender specific our world has become. I mean, I noticed it somewhat when I was pregnant with Maya and it seemed you could not find a piece of girl clothing that didn't have pink in it.  It still irks me to this day that when you go to a toy store there is always two separate sides of the store - aisles for boy stuff and aisles for girl stuff (and nothing in between). Sometimes I want to buy an item that doesn't have either blue transformers on it or pink cinderella, for cryin' out loud!  Prime example was when I went to get Maya a foam chair and they only had pink Dora or blue Cars. Nothing gender neutral (so annoying!). 

When I had Maya I swore that I wasn't going to let stupid things like colours dictate her gender and personality (even though I myself am a girly girl and love girly things, including pink). I vowed that I wasn't going to inundate her with princess this and easy-bake-oven that. I was going to let her play with whatever she wanted, let her read whatever books she wanted, and let her be who she is.  If she likes pink ponies, great. If she doesn't, no big deal. 

But then Mr. Nolan came to be, and now that I will have a girl AND a boy, I feel like I am really going back on what I had been preaching to myself lately. Case in point: we have these swaddle things that we used with Maya and at the time the store only had pink ones so we got them. At the time I said to myself, "If we have another baby and it turns out to be a boy we can still use them again. They are only swaddle blankets, who cares if our potential son ends up having to wear pink PJ's or blankets? He'll never know the difference!".  I went so far as to put the pink girly ones in the dresser drawer in the new nursery. I was planning on packing one with me for the hospital when I stopped and realized if I did this, everyone at the hospital will automatically assume Nolan is a girl. And so, the other day when i was at Toys' R Us I bought some blue ones. 

And just like that it turns out I do care what people think afterall. I don't want my boy to be mistaken as a girl. And really if you think about it I have subconsciously been assigning gender stereotypes to my kids from day one. Just look at both the nurseries for crying out loud! They couldn't get any more girly and boyish than that! Who am I kidding, I'm just like the rest of them. Is that a bad thing? Probably not. But I still will be ok if my little boy would rather join figure skating than hockey. For real, I could care less. And if Maya doesn't like to wear skirts and makeup, I would never try to convince her otherwise. But I have to admit I do really like how some things are more boyish than girlish (and vice versa). It's just so cute when you see a little tiny baseball cap or a pink tutu.  And the other day I did accept someone's offer to give me "boy" coloured blankets for baby to replace the pink ones that we received as gifts for Maya. I don't think there is anything wrong with enjoying those things, as long as I don't limit my kids and let them be who they are (especially when they are old enough to start expressing their gender on their own). In the meantime, we'll just go with the flow. 

But yes, I still hate all things princess and refuse to give my little girl barbies and ten different baby dolls! And I still won't let Nolan play with only Tonka trucks!  I might not want my boy to wear pink, but I still don't want him thinking he can only do boy stuff. Just sayin. 

Braids

This weekend was busy. A wedding, my sis was in town, stayed with the in-laws, and a family bar-b-que. On top of it Maya came down with a fever and was fighting something. Today she stayed home from daycare cause she was still warm and miserable but after her afternoon nap she was starting to feel much better. She even let me put tiny little braids in her hair.

So cute! They didn't stay in for very long but we had fun while it lasted. 

We're getting into the home stretch, I will be 37 weeks on Friday. Between sore back, heart burn, hot flashes, head aches and everything in between I am ready to have this baby. But really I'm not. I still have to get done a gazillion things on my crazy to do list that I have convinced myself I have to get done before baby comes and I am not officially done work until August 3rd. I want this baby to come soon, but I don't want to. I want to cherish this time we have left, just the three of us (four if you count Gunther) before the crazy starts. I'm so excited to meet little one but sad that it's changing. I'm so ready to complete our family but not looking forward to the sore nipples, sleepless nights, extra weight to lose. But I can't wait to see our family evolve again, for our house to be filled with even more joy.  I love my Maya boo so much and I know that my heart will grow even more when Nolan arrives.  I know one day I am going to look back at this time and think fondly of it. I hope I live in the moment as much as I can. 

Michelle's havin' a baby....

You may remember me mentioning my BFF on here a few times. 

We've been friends since we were fourteen years old and I have now known her for more than half my life. It's kind of like with my husband who I've known since I was a teenager - I don't really remember my life with either of them not in it. We've really come into our own since then and have been through all of life's big moments. 

Here she is with her lovely step daughter. 

Here she is holding one of our other BFF's daughter after she was born. She's always loved to hold everyone's little babies and always shows enthusiasm when a new bundle arrives.

Now its her turn, she's with child!!!!!     

Michelle is the last out of our group of friends to get preggers and she has been waiting for this moment for while. When she told me the news I was already ten weeks along with my bambino and I was ecstatic that we were going to be able to have such an experience in common. Since we sometimes carpool together (we both commute out of town for work) we would often find ourselves comparing notes about symptoms, doctor's appointments, nursery ideas, baby names, etc.  The thought of having babies so close in age is so exciting! 

Michelle even had this crazy idea to take random pictures of us together every few weeks and see how much our bellies start to grow. We only got one picture so far (bear in mind we just got home from work on a Friday afternoon and were tired and not looking top notch). 

But then Michelle got admitted into the hospital on bed rest due to a short cervix. She was only 24 weeks and they obviously didn't want her going into early labour. So she has been literally sitting in bed (with the exception of using the washroom) for almost a month now. Anyone who knows Michelle understands that this is prison for her, she is a very active person and does not like to sit around and do nothing. 

My heart goes out to her, this is not what she envisioned how her pregnancy would turn out. We always joke that nothing ever seems to go according to plan for her, and so it's not a surprise that she would have to roll with this too. So I made her a calendar to put up in her hospital room where she can mark off every day that baby grows until she gets closer to her due date. I wrote down something every day that she can do to pass the time, just for fun. I try to visit her as much as I can, but you know how it is with working full time and having a little one at home, so at least she has something that shows my support. 

Luckily Michelle has a great support system, lots of family and friends who love her and will help her out. She also works at her parents' business so she doesn't have to worry about her job right now which is good. The other day she told me that the doctor may let her go home in a few weeks and she can at least be in her own bed so I am keeping my fingers cross for her. Baby M, I am rooting for you kid! Keep growing and don't come out until your momma says so!