Never Give Up

TODAY'S MOTIVATION

I wrote this last night before I went to bed: 

"Not gonna lie. Not doing the greatest these last few days. For the past week I start the day off motivated and ready to keep working towards my goals, only to find myself at the end of the day laying in bed and feeling like I've failed.  Somehow by mid afternoon something or other seems to always happen where I end up convincing myself that I don't need to watch what I eat so closely and then somewhere in there a peanut butter and jelly sandwich gets eaten or I grab an extra taco at dinner time - you know, things that are not part of my meal plan. Then I feel bad for giving in and for telling myself that I will start fresh the next day because we all know that never works out. The thing is, I have been sick lately. Now Maya is sick. Chris has been recuperating. None of us have been getting any sleep. I just have had no desire to do anything and snacking seems to make me feel better. The time of year kind of blows too. Pretty soon it will start getting miserable outside.  I was all excited about getting to kickboxing but my sinus cold kicked my ass and with Maya getting sick also I just didn't feel like going.  It's been almost two weeks since I've worked out. The longer I go without it, the harder it is to get back into it, know what I mean?   But the thing is, being sick or not, I am really struggling with this whole dieting thing. Although I am trying to focus on just eating healthy, when it comes down to it, I am following a diet to lose weight. I am constantly being told that dieting doesn't work - and yet I am doing exactly that anyway.  Some times it gets to the point where I feel like I put so much pressure on myself for results that when I don't have a good week I feel like an utter failure. Sometimes I feel like I would just be happier if I gave up trying to lose weight and just lived my life. But for the sake of being healthy I know that I have to lose a bit more before I can truly say that I am at a healthy weight. I constantly second guess what the right reasons are for doing this. I constantly second guess myself with everything. It's just the way I am. People who know me best would agree that I analyze everything. But in the end, I always go back to the same thing: I don't want to be overweight and so the only solution is to keep fighting the good fight and never give up. That's what is on my mind tonight. I know that no matter what, I will never stop trying, I will never stop trying to overcome this as long as I live. Even if I never get there, I will die knowing that at least I lived my life always trying.  Who knows, by tomorrow I may be back to my old self and find some motivation. Until then, I will just remember to keep trying."



And then I got some sleep.....



Last night my husband was feeling a bit better so he volunteered to get up with Maya last night, no matter how many times she woke up. He also volunteered to get up with her in the morning if I was still sleeping.

I GOT NINE AND A HALF HOURS OF SLEEP!

I took some drugs for the first time in a year and went into the guest bedroom and put in some ear plugs.

This morning I feel like a new woman. I have not gotten that much uninterrupted sleep since before Maya was born. Seriously. Feeling much better and more optimistic today. Chris said Maya got up three times last night and I barely heard her. Sinus cold is finally on the mend. It's amazing how different your perspective is on life when you just get a good night sleep. 

RANT OR RAVE

Portions. I suck at judging what a healthy portion is at times. When I cook spaghetti I always end up with more than I originally thought I put in the boiling water. When I cut up ingredients for salad I end up having way more than what actually fits in the bowl. I usually have to measure out things like dressing or sauce because I can't eyeball stuff like that. I don't know where I get this from. Maybe it's cause I grew up in a large family and because my parents both grew up in large families. I've always been around meals that were cooked for several people.

This has even affected my ability to know how much food to give Maya. I try to feed her until she tells me she's full, but I think sometimes I subconsciously don't give her too much for fear that I will teach her bad eating habits. When my doctor told me what is a normal amount of food for a baby to eat I was surprised that it was that much. But I took her advice and started focusing less on my own issues and more on the fact that she is a growing baby. I also sometimes forget that my baby is not on a diet and it is ok to give her things like cheerios and other foods once in a while - it's not gonna kill her.  Because I am of a generation that focuses so much on losing weight and dieting I have almost forgotten what eating normal looks like. It's kind of hard to explain but just wanted to vent out about it all.

RANDOMS

Have y'all heard about Movember? Well a few close family members have joined the many guys out there who are raising money with their facial hair. One friend in particular started growing a mustache in the name of Movember and ever since this time I just cannot look at him and take him seriously. His stach has sincerely made him look like a mix between super mario and chester the molestor.  If you knew him, you would know that he looks hilarious with his new look. Then today I was reading the local news online when his picture came up in an article. Here is the said picture:

I usually don't post pictures of other people on here very often but I couldn't resist. Way to go friend for raising money for a good cause. And way to go to all my family members out there who are doing the same!

Good job guys!