Progress Report

HERE'S THE BREAKDOWN...

So for the past two months it's been a "take two steps forward, one step back" kind of deal. For the most part, I have been able to stick to the plan. With plenty of reasons for motivation, and encouragement from others, I have been able to lose approximately 15-18 lbs. It's hard to say for sure, because I don't remember exactly what my start weight was, and I didn't really start keeping track the first few weeks. But I think this guess is pretty close to being accurate. On average I have been losing about 2lbs a week.

There have been some times where I wasn't able to stick to the plan completely. For example the time I caved and had fast food. There have also been some times lately where I was so hungry at night that I ended up having a granola bar or toast, jam, even leftover pasta on one occasion. These things aren't the worst thing, except that they are not part of the diet I am following and also not mean to be eaten at night. That seems to be the only time of day where I tend to cave, after Maya goes to bed. I think it has to do with the fact that I am actually sitting down and then I start to feel like snacking on something other than fruit, veggies, etc. But slowly each day the cravings are less and less. It really is mind over matter, I don't know why sometimes I convince myself that it's ok to deviate from the plan. My biggest downfall is convincing myself that I am going to allow just one little indiscretion and then start over again the next day. Except then the next day comes and I tell myself the same thing. The good news is that I catch myself doing this, and more often than not I remind myself that there is no day but today. Another downfall is when I do make a bad choice I tend to really beat myself up for it. This can be dangerous because sometimes it leads to the feeling of giving up. But again, I usually catch myself and with every new day there is a new reason for motivation. This blog has really helped with that and it is a main reason I started it - so that I can stay focused on my goals every day. 

I have been having dreams again this past week on days where I ate something I should not have, which have reflected feelings of helplessness and failure. For example, I had one dream where I was driving and I swerved off the road a bit and when I went to start driving again I realized that Maya was injured and I felt really bad. I think it meant that  I was feeling like I was straying from the plan and that I was inadvertently hurting Maya by not sticking to the plan.  I also had a dream that all of these safari type animals started showing up in my yard and since it was out of the ordinary I wanted to take pictures but my camera wouldn't work properly. I interpreted that as the fact that something different is happening in my life but I was feeling that I wasn't quite getting there yet. Why am I sharing this? Because I think it speaks to the fact that my mind is really trying to work through all of this and perhaps that means that change is in fact happening. 

So that's basically the internal workings of my mind, put out there in cyberspace in attempt to externalize it from myself, in order to work through it and change my behaviour for the better. 

But all in all, despite some of the steps back, I have made many steps forward. On a whole I have been consistent with getting right back to the plan despite some of the detours along the way. I continue to find sources of motivation on a daily basis and there are many good days. I know I still have a long way to go but I keep trying to tell myself that slow and steady wins the race. We'll see. There are many people in my life who have gone on this same journey in the past. They have achieved their own weight loss goals and I can't help but wonder if these are the sort of things they went through in their minds. There are also some people who are going through it with me now, and it keeps me inspired to continue on.  If they can do it, so can I. 

I am close to fitting into my next bridesmaid dress. I am hoping I will in the next few weeks. I have been able to get to kickboxing as much as possible. Although it is not as many days a week as I would like, I am getting there whenever the chance arises, and that's all I can hope for. I usually aim for at least three times a week. I am getting stronger. I can do a few more push ups. I can hold planks a little longer. I can kick a tad higher. I hope to continue to make improvements in this area. Only time will tell. I have also been getting my pup out for walks as much as I can when the weather cooperates. Another big thing that I am going to try to do is be more vigilant on making sure that I get all my required servings in every day (especially water and milk).  It's hard to do some days!

There have been ups and downs. I have had some stresses. I am still adjusting to motherhood, every day I am seeing changes in my sweet precious baby girl. I have dealt with low milk supply, lack of sleep, worrying about solids, teething, and so on. Despite that, I have been able to focus on taking care of myself for the most part. Anyone who is a mother knows that it is difficult to take time for yourself when you are so invested in taking care of your children. I'm glad that I am making the effort. 

I have a good support system. My husband has been great. I don't have the stress of work right now. All of these things have also helped make a difference. 

So that is my progress report. I will keep on moving on. It doesn't matter how long it takes for me to reach my goals, I am just going to keep working and trying.  Even if there are steps backwards along the way I will make even more steps forward. I look forward to posting small victories on here as time goes on until one day a final post will announce that I have arrived at my destination. That I have reached my goals. Until then, I hope you continue to enjoy reading about my journey.